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Monday 18 June 2018

You Don't Say 'I Love You' Enough


"They write songs about it 
They put it in movies
How life would be better with just enough love There's not enough caring,
there's not enough sharin'
Too much me, me, me and too much double-darin' There's too much delayin',
We don't tend a garden,
we just plant the seeds
Promises broken,
Cause there's not enough love in our hearts"

These are lyrics from the song 'Not Enough Love' a soundtrack from the movie 'Joyful Noise'.

Days ago I was browsing an entertainment blog - forum may be a more apt word - and I saw 2 different stories that struck me not because of their content but because of the comments from visitors. 

One was about a wedding ceremony where the bride had no make up on and the other was about a young lawyer that died just a few months after her wedding.

The first story was greeted with insults, the Groom was called 'Ugly with an ape shaped head' and his bride was called an 'Ugly and ordinary' girl who thinks she's too good for makeup, some even predicted that their children would be uglier than both parents while the second story which also had pictures from the late lawyers wedding day had really loving comments wishing her soul eternal rest, comments about how beautiful she was and what tragic loss her demise meant for her family and the nation.

To be honest I laughed at some of the comments about the no-makeup-wearing-bride and her husband but I chided myself as I recalled how it's been said severally that humans especially Nigerians do not show love for people until they are dead.

It is the reason why a man who barely ate 3 square meals while he was alive would be given a hero's return home with his body 'transported' in a limousine shaped casket to the 'great beyond' while the woman who lived a lonely life would have the whole community crying their hearts out only to end up quarreling over who should be in charge of 'meat and drinks' at her burial.

As I compared the comments on both posts I was forced to agree that we respect, show love to and honour people more when they die than when they are alive.


This isn't helped by the fact that we seem to have a culture that equates repression and suppression of emotions with strength - especially if you are a man.
The sign of your 'manhood' seem to be measured by how insensitive and emotionally distant you act.

So when you love your wife and would give anything to prove it, you are encouraged to not show it else 'it enters her head' - whose head should enter and on whose heart should it be imprinted?
The in-laws that sat down to count even the pieces of chewing sticks on the bride price 'list' while threatening to hold back their daughter until the 'list' is complete or your brother that probably wouldn't spare a grain of rice for your son if you are no more?

And when you are wrong you have to remember you are the head of the house and 'stand your ground' instead of apologizing- shior!

Remember also you are told not to cry when hurt because it is a sign of weakness and men should never be seen as weak?

So you decide to 'be a man' and hold back no matter how hurt or depressed you are - you forget that even 'Jesus wept - John 11:35' instead you choose to 'be a man' and seek the comfort of a bottle of beer, glass of whiskey or cigar instead of another human.

Women are told to not show they love a man too much else he would 'see her as cheap' - there more ways to prove your worth and value darling and withholding love isn't one of them (so I have learned).

We repress our emotions and hold back when what we really should tell those we love is that 'we love them' - heck don't even tell, show them.

Show them by your actions, hold them a little longer when you hug - if you dare to, listen when they talk even if you are thinking 'did you really do this?', laugh at their 'dry' jokes, say thank you for the littlest deeds, let them know you miss them when they are away, kiss them impulsively instead of trying to show how much you 'don't need them', buy them a gift to show appreciation just for their presence in your life - they shouldn't lift a rock first before you do, be there for them like you promised and don't betray their trust - love them with your words but most importantly by your actions.

Don't wait till they die to write about how beautiful and great they 'were' and then invite all of Africa to witness the 'exit of an icon' who gets to move in a convoy for the first time as a dead body.

We (you and I) should say I love you more and do love more while we have the time.

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