Richmond Dayo Johnson: More Than A Man, You Were An Experience

 

How could you die? How is it possible that I would never hear, see or read from you again? How can one word change everything?

Death!

I can spell the word, I have heard and used it so many times but I never knew its impact. I never knew what a thief it is until it took you.

But did you really die?

I know your heart has stopped beating but have you died? Can I call it death if your memory lives on, alive and vibrant? If I can still hear your laughter, can I say you died? If I still see your face and hear your kind words, can I say you died? I have cried since yesterday and refused to use the words 'RIP' for you but reality stares me in the face, reality says otherwise.

Reality says I would never be able to pick up my phone to call you again because even if the call is answered, it would never be your voice. The voice of the man who epitomized grace, class, panache and excellence. You finessed your way through life and so graciously sprinkled love and kindness in the lives of those who came your way. I have read the tributes and thousands have the same thing to say "RDJ was a quintessential gentleman, true thought leader and sensitive mentor".

From that first encounter in 2013, you became a significant part of my life. Waking me up with calls just to speak words that water and make me bloom. Yours was a heart that loved without thought for class and status. Your love was blind to appearance and background, you saw my soul and that was all that mattered to you. I was insecure but you kept calling forth gold out of me. I doubted myself many times but you were never tired of reaffirming my worth. 

What a man you were! What a teacher! What a mentor!

My RDJ! If I knew I would have reached out more, if I knew I would have said 'thank you' everyday. If I knew I would have left work to see you on the days work brought you to my city. You were never too busy for me, for calls, for messages and even video calls. You promised "my dear Okiemute, I am committed to your growth" and you kept your word.

My RDJ! I could go on and God knows if you could be here for one more day, I'd say thank you to you over and over again.

Death! What a terrible thing, taking you with no prior notification. Stopping us in our tracks and causing us grief with no thoughts for our feelings.

Yet, you live on RDJ! For as long as the memories of time spent with you endure, you live, maybe not in body but in a space that cannot be hacked - our hearts.

Beloved Husband, Father, Grandfather, Coach, Mentor and Friend.

RDJ, the best amongst men of your ilk, you were not just a person, you were an experience and I thank God for the privilege to have known and experienced you.

Alas, I cannot escape it and I have to say Rest in Peace Sire.

Embracing Mercy, For Better or Worse

The first time he asked to sleep with you, you said "God forbid" as you stormed out of the office. You couldn't believe he would ask you to do that.

Did he not know you are married? The impunity and arrogance. "Evil man." 

But you got home and the bills were still there. You had prayed and continued to trust. You wouldn't cheat on your husband, you wouldn't violate the vows you made. You went about your job, avoiding Chief as much as possible at work. Useless man who thinks you are cheap because you desperately need money. 
You called everyone you know asking for financial help. "Nothing is too small", were your words. The excuses reeled in, they too had bills to pay and little to spare.

You waited and watched, prayed and strove, hoping help would come. You watched Richard your husband too, he had become a shadow of himself. Pensive, moody, despondent, temperamental, mad and sad. The slight arguments turned to quarrels and now shouting matches. You would go 3 days without talking to each other and when night came, he would stay in the living room. You got angry, he was being selfish you thought to yourself. 

"Didn't he know you understood it wasn't his fault? Didn't he see you were trying to be supportive in spite of the challenge?"

You cried and cursed and repented, "God please help me", was your constant cry. 

Days turned to weeks and then months until that day. 

You had gone to the hospital to see Sylvia, your 16 months old daughter who needed a Portoenterostomy for her liver. That day, Dr Raymond shared the news that changed everything as you knew it. Your baby may not live for longer if the procedure wasn't done soon, and in fact a transplant may be needed now. You cried as you asked for more time to put the funds together. But it wasn't even up to Dr Raymond, time was running out and a procedure had to be performed.

That day as you drove home, you called Mr Anizor who had made an offer on your car. You refused to sell to him initially because you felt he was being wicked. How could he offer 800,000 naira for a car with a market value of over two million naira? You called him that day because no one else even made an offer. 
"I'll accept what you have", you told him as you swallowed your pride. 
He purchased your car making the money you had a total of about six million naira. But you still needed ten million naira. The angel you had been praying for was yet to show up. Your faith was failing and for the first time you considered Chief's offer. 

What price would be too much to save the life of your child? Your marriage as it was, seemed to be nearing its end, you had promised for better or worse but the worse was too much to deal with. 

You remember the day you walked into Chief's office, you didn't bother with greetings but spoke six words.

"I'm headed for your Guest house." 
He looked up from his computer, obviously stunned at first and then he smiled. He made a call to the Guest house to say he was expecting a guest and you walked out. You wore the blue Zara wrap dress that accentuated your curves and showed some cleavage.

The last time you wore it was 22 months ago when you showed up at Richard's office with nothing underneath, just your dress and River Island ankle high heeled peep toe sandals. He looked perplexed at first but smiled when you shut the door and unwrapped the dress, standing in nothing but your heels. Those were the good days, but they seemed like a distant past now.

You arrived Chief's guest house and took in the room as you stepped in. The man sure knew what class and opulence should look like, it was a beautiful suite reminiscent of the hotel where you spent your honeymoon in Santorini. He arrived about 30 minutes after and as he spoke about how he had been drawn to you from the first day he saw you, you imagined how many appointments he had cancelled for his romp with you.

You have vague memory of the time with him because you were thinking of Richard and Sylvia and the future of your family. 
Hours later, you sat in Dr Raymond's office discussing plans for Sylvia's referral to India for the surgical procedure. Chief had given you fifteen million naira even though you asked for ten million naira.

You didn't tell Richard what you did but the minute you told him he needed to sign the form giving his consent for the referral, you knew he would know. He would know that you had violated your vows and traded your body and dignity to save your daughter. As you both drove home, he pulled over, pulled you to himself and whispered in your ears "I'm sorry you had to do what you did but I promise to love you like you loved our daughter and gave your all for her."

Tears trickled down as he tilted your face to look at his, you looked away, ashamed.

"I would never judge or condemn you my love. Your secret is safe with me and beyond love, I adore you now." 
You both cried and it seemed surreal as you had prepared for the worse, you thought your marriage would end.

One month after you returned to Nigeria with Sylvia, you quit your job. You felt dirty and couldn't look at your body in the mirror for a long time but Richard's love stayed, patient and kind, helping and encouraging you to move on. It wasn't a mistake, it was a deliberate choice, he too accepted it and even asked your forgiveness for his inability to raise the money leading you to do what you did. Still, it wasn't easy and on the days you were not cold to him, you were overly harsh because you expected him to get angry, mock you and leave. Instead he would send you messages, "I'm still here and I'll be here waiting till you forgive us."

He had to nurse not just Sylvia to health but you too.

It is over a year now, Sylvia is fine, you have healed and managed to lock the incident in a safe somewhere in your head. But more than ever the words of Job in Job 14:7-9 make more sense to you, 

"There is hope for a tree that has been cut down; it can come back to life and sprout. Even though its roots grow old, and its stump dies in the ground, with water it will sprout like a young plant."

You were like a tree cut down by life's challenges but Richard watered you with love, he chased after you fiercely, and you didn't just grow, you blossomed like a rose in springtime.

Today you hold people to a standard of grace, never judging, patiently watching and remembering that anyone can be a victim given the right circumstance. After all, you are a fruit of the seeds sown by the one person who could have kicked you when you fell.

You have learned that bad choices never really meant a person was bad, they only react based on their experience and exposure. People in themselves are imperfect and need only be loved even when they make mistakes, so now you have become a farmer, sowing seeds of mercy, kindness and love.

Today you have embraced mercy and love for better or for worse because like the great apostle Paul wrote "three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." - 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)