The Most Dangerous Person In The World

 

Scene from the movie 'Project Power'

The first time I fell in love with Jamie Foxx's movies was in 2015. It was on the eve of the 2015 general elections in Nigeria and I had gone to spend the weekend at my cousin’s. While she went to bed, I stayed up to watch TV and from a DVD collection I selected ‘Django Unchained’ starring Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington.

Django Unchained is the story of black slave, Django who risked his life to find his wife, Broomhilda who was also a slave and to buy her freedom. Django’s first task was to earn his freedom, this he did alongside the friendship of his ex-master, a white man unlike the rest in his day. They both set out to find Django’s Broomhilda not even knowing what city she was in or to whom she belonged.

It took a while, but Django eventually found his wife’s location. When he found her though, she wasn’t worth much as she had been abused, assaulted, raped and used. She was just an object to serve and pleasure whomever. She had so suffered that the thought of ever becoming free had become a dream too lofty to aspire to and the first time Django revealed himself to her, it was so surreal that she fainted. Anyway, Django negotiated, fought, lost, was beaten to pulp and sold again into slavery but he fought again, managed to escape and went back for his wife. By the time he was taking his Broomhilda home, he had burned down everything and everyone. The movie had me crying at intervals as I watched him train, prepare and dive head-on into danger. He could have had any other, could have started on a clean slate but he didn’t, his only motivation was love. *sniffs as she wipes tears again*

Fast forward to 5 years after (which was yesterday), I decided that I would see at least 2 movies this weekend and while searching for what to watch, I saw the movie title ‘Project Power’. I scanned past but my brain told my mind it cited Jamie Foxx on the poster, so I went back and there he was, flanked by others. I didn’t bother about the others on the poster, seeing Jamie was all the conviction I needed.

I got the movie, and just as I expected, it was totally worth it. Jamie came with his passion and this time he was driven by love for his daughter who had been kidnapped. I wouldn’t bore you with details of the movie but would gladly recommend it – it would be worth your time.

Jamie’s character had been dubbed the most dangerous man in the city and as I watched him go all out, against the system, I had to agree that he was a danger to himself and everyone else but his daughter.

This however is the case with anyone motivated by love as they lose sight of pride and even their safety because nothing else matters but the object of their affection. Whether it is the footballer who gives his all on the field, a businessman, inventor, chief executive, actor, parent, pastor, lover or student, love is the driving force of any success achieved. It is the reason you stay up when you should be in bed, stay in when you could be out, go out when you could have stayed in, give when you may not even have enough for yourself, try one more time when your body is tired, apologize when you are not even sure what you did wrong, and stay the course when you really want to give up. It is good old love making us surprise ourselves and everyone else till they have no choice but to applaud when our results speak.

Love, the force so powerful that it defies social, cultural, ethnic, religious, racial, psychological, philosophical, or biological barriers. It can turn a weakling to a warrior and have made warriors seem like weaklings. It protects, defends, and shields the object of its affection, sometimes blindly. In fact, anyone is normal until we fall in love with them, then they become perfect. If you doubt me ask a parent, or lover of an idea, movement, or person.

Love is so powerful that if not managed can become a danger, and this has been proven time and again by men who have sacrificed all and rejected even their families in pursuit of the thing or person they love. It is a heart thing and can never make sense from the point of logic, even science still cannot fully explain it.

Watching Jamie’s character in ‘Project Power’ not only made me cry but reinforced a belief I already had, which is that if you really want to see how dangerous a person can be, then go after the thing or person they love. Then you would realize that the most dangerous person in the world is not the one who is hungry or power drunk, but the one in love with a thing, ideology, system, or person – even if they are wrong.

I have wiped the tears from my eyes but as I end this, I hope that you do not settle for the thing or person you can live with, but find the courage to wait for and chase the thing or person you cannot live without.

Sunset: A Perfect Time To Kiss, Dance Or Say Goodbye

Sunsets,
We see them everyday and sometimes exercise the liberty of watching them or taking pictures of them, creating memories by ourselves or with those we love.
They are a reminder of the cycle called life, that every beginning has an end. They are one of the few things we are sure of, that for everyday that dawns, the sun will set - it's a constant.

Sunsets,
They are also proof of life's impermanence, that nothing really lasts forever - not things or men, including the ones we love and adore.
Like the curtains drawn at the end of a play or dance, they signal the end of a day, a performance, an era, a life.

Sunsets,

They can be beautiful but just like life, they are transient, lasting only a while, leaving us nothing but memories.
Memories that may last a lifetime, evoking feelings of moments passed, never to be seen or experienced and lived again.

Sunsets,
For some people, it is the perfect time to dance, share a kiss or simply sit still to enjoy the silence of a world falling asleep.
For others, they are a time to reflect and look back on the events of the day and more often than not, the events of a life that has reached its end, a soul saying goodbye as it bows out of the dance called life.

If the sun has set for your loved one, then this is for you and while I may not understand what you feel, I am sure the pain of your loss is real, raw and maybe even scary.
It may be a dreary season for you and your family but I hope that someday your heart mends, maybe not in the way it was before the pain but in a way that makes it stronger than pain.

I pray that you have enough hands to hold you through this phase, shoulders to lean on and memories of a life well lived to make you smile and laugh again.
I pray that you find the courage to face the days ahead and that you awake one morning to find one last tear.

I pray that you find grace and the comfort of the sweet Holy Spirit to bear this burden that must befall all.
I pray that the void created be filled, that you heal and that the you rise on the wings of the morning to days filled with sunshine, hearty smiles, laughter, love and music powerful enough to make you sway to life's rhythm again.

I pray.

N.B: I wrote this piece for a friend who lost a loved one weeks ago but I edited it and hope it speaks to your heart.

Courting Pain, The Kind Nobody Talks About

 

For the first time in a long while, he kissed your forehead and held you for longer than he has in months, but you know it is more out of habit than intention. He also fed you some of his plantain pottage at breakfast, but you know it was because he could not eat. Feeding you was a way of distracting you both from his inability to eat.

You wanted to talk about it, but you kept shut, like you have about many things recently.

Like his leaving books strewn all over the place, falling asleep fully clothed while watching TV, walking around as though searching for something, just staring blankly into space, mumbling to himself, not hearing when you talk to him, and the weight loss that has become so noticeable.

His eyes too seemed to have sunk into their sockets and had a soulless look. He had become a shadow of himself. His smile when he managed one was wry, his laughter mirthless, his gait languid, his speech slow and his eyes had a look that sometimes seemed like fear.

At first you thought it was a phase that would pass but weeks were turning to months and he seemed to be getting worse.You have tried massages and foot rubs, smothered him with kisses and left notes where he could read them, but none worked. You made a playlist of his favourite slow rock songs and even invited friends over, but he seemed to be getting distant with each gesture.

You kept hope that he would come around, but fear set in the day he dropped the glass in his hand spilling his drink as you were both laughing. He apologized and made to pick up the pieces and as he did, the broken fragments cut his hand. Though he bled, he didn't stop and even shoved you when you made to sweep the pieces. He evidently was not even feeling the pain and didn't mind that his blood flowed freely.

For the first time you were filled with fear as you realized you had been laughing with yourself all along, he was never present. That day it dawned on you that he was in deeper pain than you thought, one that was stronger than any physical hurt and the worst part was you not being able to do anything about it.

All you could do was watch while he dealt with his pain. 

The pain of losing his father was taking its toll on your husband in a way you never envisaged. He is the strongest man you know but losing his hero has borne a side to him you never knew existed. He has lost the spring in his steps, his back slouched when he sat, his voice guttural, his eyes had a longing, he seemed to be crying for help and for the first time you realized your love wouldn't be enough to pull him through.

You have both weathered storms together but this time, he was alone in the storm and try as you might, he wouldn't let you in. This pain was personal and even you would not be allowed in.

To watch a loved one in pain and to be unable to help them is a kind of pain people never really talk or write about. They tell you to support them by being there for them but do not tell you what to do when they shut you out, when they hold you without really feeling you, when they look at you but do not see you. You are learning that sometimes pain comes in unexpected forms and that it can be acquired, the result of another's pain.

Through this phase, you remember the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes in his book 'The Lady, Her Lover and Her Lord' and you learn a new kind of respect for grief. It is a feeling that cannot be explained away, rushed, or shrugged off. It demands to be felt and only time can sate it. You watch the love of your life deal with grief and tell yourself that the bishop was right when he said there are parts of a person, a void only their Lord can touch and fill.

As he kissed your forehead this morning, you accept that your touch wouldn't be enough. You are a lover, but a lover would never be able to do what His Lord can do.

So, you promise yourself that you would stop trying to be His Lord. You will turn off the music, put away the massage oils and scented candles, keep shut and ask God to help him go through the pain without losing himself. 

You will ask the lover of his soul to restore his soul and you will wait no matter how long it takes. You will keep praying for him, you will let your big boy cry, you will cry with him and you will wait on the sweet Holy Spirit to lead you both through the night to a brighter morning.

Today you will call on the one who made the heart that is broken because only He can heal it and you will step aside and watch from the side as His Lord takes over the dance.

You will wait till He brings both your hearts to a place of healing because when that happens, a newer, stronger love bond would have been awakened. It would be a rejuvenation, a revival, a renascence, a rebirth.

Now though, you let him hold you as his heart beats in rhythm with yours, the silence saying what no words can, his arms protective over you and knowing there is not much you can do to help, you let yourself feel the pain people seldom talk about. 

For The Boy Who Tried But Couldn't Stay

 

Like a Prince, he rode in, but not in the similitude of royals and princes.

His arrival though sudden, wasn’t greeted with pomp and pageantry.

It was quiet, hushed, muffled, and characterized by every trait that describes the word silent.

Yet it was filled with verve and gusto, marked with certitude and assuredness.

He made it clear that he had one purpose, one well-thought out and calculated mission.

To win your heart, to soften all the parts toughened and hardened by life – this was all he wanted.

Ici pour rester! This would have been the chant were it in the words of a French man.

His raison d’agir was you. It is what a thorough bred Spaniard would call ‘el premio’.

And he tried. Consistently, committedly, unashamedly he pressed and pumped.

Freely he gave of his time, holding nothing back in the contention for you, for your love.

His demeanour though calm, adopted a humourous face and softer exterior.

He stayed up till late, sharing stories, telling jokes your laughter his inspiration.

He pushed and pursued, chasing as he treaded a path he never had dared.

He didn’t sweep you off your feet, neither did he make your head spin or heart stop.

He simply made you feel secure and safe, fear seemed to evaporate upon every encounter with him.

Relinquishing the familiar, he pressed on in a previously uncharted territory.

He seemed scared but never unsure. Made little promises in simple words that connoted calm assurance.

He wasn’t thoroughly smooth even though you knew that wasn’t what he was trying to be.

Like Saul the persecutor, he was willing to take on a new name and identity.

Like Paul the Apostle, he pressed on towards the prize, a higher calling.

And while many had promised to take you to the world, he wanted to bring the world to you.

Through busy days and tight schedules, he pressed. Through tough conversations he plunged deeper.

The calls stayed consistent and the trips across the ocean only seemed to make it solid.

Then abruptly like an aircraft that developed mechanical faults mid-air, it nose-dived and crashed.

Just when you decided to participate fully in the play, and the drama seemed to be taking an intriguing turn, he drew the curtains on it.

Your heart was no longer the prize, his raison d’agir had changed unexpectedly and without warning signs.

It all began with a call and in the most dramatic fashion, ended with a call. It was a bow taken too soon.

Stricken and confused you sought answers. Why? What? When? Where? How? Haba!

Why had breathing become so difficult? What did you do or didn’t do? When did everything change?

Where did it all go? The love, the laughter, and the friendship? How did you not see it coming?

You wore the pain like a pair of heels that were too high and too tight, yet you walked on.

You forged and trudged on, hoping to find healing on the wings of the morning. The sun rose and set, and many moons passed. Slowly but surely, Winter, Autumn and Fall passed, then Summer came, leading you to Springtime.

Your breathing normalized, the questions stopped, the glow returned, and the world became alright again. The flowers had begun to bloom and so did your heart.

Through it all, you learned that the worse isn’t always what you think and that bad decisions can also come from good hearts.

This is the story of the boy who opened up a different world to you and even though he couldn’t stay, he did his best to make you fly without wings.

You Are The Gift, Always Will Be

Isn't it funny what we do with our goals?

We write about them, talk about them and resolve to never give up on them.

Yet, we treat the people in our lives differently.

We seldom write about them, rarely talk about them and are often quick to give up on them.

Isn't it funny the way we act with work?

We pray earnestly for the job we desire, study hard for it and when we get it, give it our best even on the days we feel low.

Yet, we act differently about our relationships.

We do not  intentionally pray for the kind of people we desire, we scarcely bother about studying to be good enough for them and even if they come our way, we almost never give our best on the days we feel low.

It is funny don't you think, our attitude to things?

We check out house after house till we find the neighbourhood and apartment that best suits our style, we seek expert opinion and read all the articles we can find before we purchase a car and when we go to shop for clothes the hours seem to fly past as we search stores and try outfits for the perfect fit.

Yet, we rarely take time to scrutinize folks before we let them in, we easily get carried away by physical attributes instead of the values that drive the people we meet, and when it's time to choose we barely give consideration to men with principles and values, of great sagacity.

Isn't it funny how each one of us is guilty?

We have billions appropriated to constructing bridges, pay millions for a good education and expend energy and time on research and development.

Yet, we are quick to burn bridges with the people in our lives, wouldn't pay the price to know them or earn their trust and wouldn't intentionally invest time, energy and resources to solidify and reinvent our relationships with men.

It is funny when you consider what fun and enjoyment means to us.

We plan for vacations, entertainment, exotic food and the best life has to offer.

Yet in reality, vacations, entertainment, food and life's beauty would be meaningless if there are no people to share these moments with.

Isnt it funny how we spend our lives trying to make a mark in jobs and businesses that also depend on people to survive and would demand a replacement the day we can no longer give our best?

Yet, we fail to invest in creating memories with the people in our lives, the very ones who would stop to care for us and pause to grieve should the unimaginable happen. We seldom give thought to how best to leave imprints in their hearts.

Isn't it funny how we easily think of wealth in terms of things, acquisitions and possessions?

Yet the truly priceless gifts are the men and women in our lives. The ordinary, regular people who bring sunshine and can also cause us pain. 

They are the only ones who can make routine acts like dancing, dining, playing, laughing, reading and even working meaningful. The ones capable of turning ordinary mornings and nights to remarkable and unforgettable memories, giving us moments to look forward to.

Isn't it funny how I sometimes take you, the most excellent of all God's creation for granted when you are the reason for the colours in my rainbow, spring in my steps, stars in my sky, melody to my song and even the hope in my heart?

You are 'the Gift', always have been, always will be.

Can You Go A Little Deeper, Darling?

Scene from the movie Southside With You

I love to talk about sunset and sunrise, flowers,songs and books and to share mutual jokes.

I love to hear about breakfast, lunch and dinner time, the songs on the playlist you created specially for us, and all the funny things you heard, read or saw and thought to share with me. I love to laugh loudly with you about the mundane, sublunary and not so serious things. 

But,

Can we go beyond talking about favourite colours, food, cultures, movies and books to why?

Like why do I like Brown even if it is sombre and thought to evoke feelings of dreariness? Or why do I watch a movie over and over again even if it is over a decade old and wasn't even a Box Office hit? Could it be because the characters' experiences resonate with me? Is it because I laugh when they laugh, cry when they do and have lived the story they tell?

Can you go deeper? Can our conversations transcend the realm of the ephemeral to the sublime?

Can we have difficult conversations like the thoughts you entertain, the obscene fantasies you may have sometimes? Those ones you would be too embarrassed to share with anyone else because it may make them see you differently or even lose  respect for you? Can you tell me of your deepest pain, your eternal regret, your biggest fear and ultimate hope? What are the things that can set you on fire? Do you scamper and run in the face of pain?

Can you undress for me, stripping completely till you are naked, clothed with nothing but your truths, scars and the wounds that are yet to heal?

Would you take off the bejeweled watch, the bespoke shirt designed with none other but you in mind, the calf-skin belt with your initials monogrammed on the buckle, those trousers built both for style and functionality, that shell cordovan shoes that speak louder than words and your perfume that in itself tells a story?

Can you go deeper than sweet words and sugar coated messages? 

Can you tell me about the time you acted out of character in anger and did things that surprised even you? Can you tell of those deeds that may make any mortal consider you a monster?

Would you share the struggles you have fought for decades and still haven't overcome? Would you share the habits you fear you may never drop, not even for love? Would you tell me the story of your pain - raw and undiluted? 

Can I go deeper, just a little bit just so you see if I'd still be here? 

Are there ghosts from the past lurking somewhere underneath your charm and calm demeanour? Would I find coffins filled with decaying corpses and skeletons from years past? 

More importantly, 

Can you go deeper with me? Can you ask me of my worst experiences, the ones I wouldn't even share when I am asked of my worst experience? Can you ask about my biggest pain and struggles, the cruel hands I have been dealt by life? Can I tell you the stories of hurt, betrayal and how it has shaped me? Can I share my deepest secrets, those I dare not even whisper to myself for fear of the walls eaves dropping?

Beyond hickeys, soft strokes and nibbles, would you hit me hard with verity and the gospel of your life?

Would you give me a chance to practice unconditional love? To show that I meant every word when I said I would always care?

I may be asking for too much but would you dig or delve in a little deeper darling, please?

A Promise Kept: What It Means To Love Another

To feel extravagant fondness for another human. To consistently, unashamedly and passionately pursue them, seeking their heart.

To take on another human, promising to fight for them no matter what, to embrace their past, accept their present and forge towards an unknown future with them.

To make sacrifices you never thought possible for them, counting it as nothing and seeking their joy as your only gain.

To have your spirit dance excitedly at the thought and sight of another human, to look in their eyes and feel a fire in your heart and excitement in your soul. To heave with the realization that even if life takes them to the desert with nothing but a shirt and a tent, you'd be with them still.

To have another soul worried and restless until they are sure you are okay. To hear them speak words of life to you, challenging you to rise on your lowest days.

To have them sit with you on hard days, saying and hearing nothing but silence. To hold their hand through the silence yet hearing their heart say "I have got you no matter what".

To hear them sing a song written specially for you, unashamedly bellowing in a coarse voice in a bid to chant your worth. 

To watch them in amazement, thinking how funny their voice sounds but unable to laugh because you feel tears of gratitude welling up at the sincerity and genuineness of their expression.

To reach out for them at past 1am in a bid to snuggle, only to find their side of the bed empty. To call out their name and when greeted with silence, walk out and find them in the study or the living room or the dinning room or the patio or the balcony or even by the poolside deep in thoughts or prayers.

To press for answers but get none, to become agitated because they are visibly worried. To sit by their side, holding their hands and leaning against them in a way that says whenever you are ready to talk, I'll listen and if not, I'd still be here for you.

To hold your breath as you wait for them to change, for their consistency to dwindle, for their commitment to wane. To finally exhale at the realization that they would never stop fighting for you, even when it hurts their pride.

To one day accept the fact that you too cannot help yourself where they are concerned and that come what may, there's no place else for you to go. 

So you give them your heart willingly, knowing also that your body is theirs too because in them you have found a home.

To carry another human in your spirit, wishing them even better than you wish yourself. To share in their happiest and lowest moments, while feeling gratitude for the privilege of their presence.

To look in each others eyes and say "I have got you darling today, tomorrow and for all of time".

To carry their secrets with you, never judging, neither demanding perfection. To know too that you needn't perform or put up an act with them because while you are imperfect, you are enough for them, and them for you.

To meet others who look, act, speak, dress, know and have better than them yet hearing only their voice in your head, their name tatted on your heart, their laughter ingrained in your soul.

To realize long before you walk down the aisle  to them, that you have forsaken all others and will stick with them come what may.

To know that what you share, the commitment, devotion, allegiance and loyalty is not just a promise made but a promise kept. 

This for me, is what it means to love another.