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Sunday 8 January 2017

This New Year 2017 I Plan To Be More Romantic


I picked up a pen and made to add being more romantic to my list of goals for 2017. 
But does that even make sense? Who makes being romantic a goal? *side eyes at me*

I sat down and replayed the conversation that I had with a dear friend in my head.
The words "you are not romantic and it's not good for a woman" reverberated in my head as I thought of ways to be "more romantic".

Then I thought to myself, "How dare he say that? He's not even my boyfriend for Christ's sake so why should I act romantic with a man I am not in a relationship with?"
"How dare he judge me? Besides aren't men supposed to be the initiators in relationships?"
The voice in my head cut in again,
"why didn't you say that to him while he was still here or you think there's an iota of truth in what he said?"

The questions and conversations in my head just went on and on.

This romance thing sef, are there people born naturally romantic? Cos some of us are too practical for the mushy stuff.

In case you are wondering what all this is about, here's what happened...
I was having a simple and friendly conversation with a friend who had come to see me. As he made to leave, I saw him off to his car and as we made small talk with me leaning against his car he blurted out the words "you are not romantic and it's not good for a woman".
I retorted by asking why he said that and he listed the qualities that makes one "romantic/emotional". Our conversation went on till he left.

That was when the conversation in my head started.
Now I know I may be taking this too seriously but truth is it's not the first time someone wouldn't be saying this to me so maybe they see something I am not seeing and maybe I need to make corrections.
"So how do I become more romantic?"

I proceeded to write a list of romantic things to do but all that came to my mind would probably make any man scared. I mean how would you as a guy react to a girl you are not in a relationship with sending you flowers? Or calling several times a day just because I'm thinking of you? Or asking you to go to the movies? Or going out for a burger or pizza or to do Karaoke? Or any other fun activity?
Talk about the recipe for disaster.

Assuming these are too far fetched and I chose to tow my friend's line of how romance works, I can't imagine being all over a man in the name of showering him with love and attention.
And then, aren't all these things men initiate?
I asked that question severally until a phrase dropped in my heart " from the beginning it was not so".
Those were Christ's words when he was asked about divorce and I wondered what that had to do with the questions about romance in my head.

I dropped my pen in frustration...maybe I'm taking this thing too seriously, I cannot come and go and kee myself.
I proceeded to continue the book I'm currently reading by Joshua Harris 'boy meets girl: say hello to courtship' and there I got it from the 7th chapter - 'If boys would be men, would girls be ladies'.
I had a eureka moment and answers to my questions on being more romantic.
Joshua in simple words wrote about the the roles men and women ought to play in relationships - a man should be the initiator and not take a passive, couch-potato stance in a relationship.

This hit home - from the beginning it was not so.

There are roles men ought to play in a relationship and there are roles for women too, so maybe I am not the unromantic one, maybe boys no longer know how to be men or simply refuse to be men as such there's no gesture of romance for me to respond to.

Talking about romance also, the opinion I have gotten of what romance is seems warped.
A man wants my body and sees it as romance when he hasn't even touched my mind. What happened to stimulating conversations?
He wants me moaning in ecstasy under him when he doesn't even know what makes me laugh, sober or fired up.

So you see, the romance thing isn't entirely my fault. These boys wouldn't put in work and maybe it's because girls these days have become aggressive and taken up the role of the initiator.

But I think I too could start being romantic as well - so I will start by making plans and taking notes of romantic things to do - for me.

I will make an effort at being romantic but I will begin with me.


The Story of Samson: When Love Becomes A Bad Thing


If you have ever spent time with me then you may have heard me ask why parents name their children Samson. Or aren't names believed to have a significant impact in a child's life?

So why Samson?

I would never name my child Samson. Even if I have 200 sons and run out of names I would rather call my child 'Name' than call him 'Samson'.

"Ahn Okiemute it's not that deep na or did a man called Samson steal your money and broke your heart?"
No.

I don't even personally know anyone called Samson. Maybe as a surname but not as a name.
'So why wouldn't you name your child Samson?' You may ask.

It's because of the first man who bore that name. Remember him?

The Nazarite, Manoah's son who was the strongest man in the Bible.

Remember him now?

The man who fell in love with Delilah na? Ehen!

Now you know him and by the way Delilah is another name I'm sure most people wouldn't give to their daughters.

Now back to my story about Samson.
Samson was the strongest man in the Bible physically but the weakest in my opinion emotionally and that was his undoing.

His biggest mistake was falling in love - with the wrong woman.

This is not to say falling in love is wrong but when you let your feelings control you then it can be a bad thing - that's a lesson I learned from Samson.

I'll go on to list other lessons I learned from Samson and I hope they help you understand why I wouldn't name my son Samson but first let me give you a brief story about him.

Samson was born at a time when Israel was under the bondage of the Philistines. He was born a Nazarite to a woman who was barren and his sole purpose was to deliver Israel from the Philistine. In order to fulfill that purpose God gave him supernatural strength and his secret was his hair - his hair was to never be cut or he would lose his strength.

So our beloved Samson grew to be strong, no razor touched his hair (as a Nazarite) and he did help Israel fight the Philistines.

Imagine one man pulling up a whole city gate and running uphill with it. That was Samson. He killed a Lion with his bare hands as well as about a thousand Philistines with the jaw bone of an ass - singlehandedly.

Samson was so strong that no man could stand or overpower him as such the Philistines had to send a woman to do the job of bringing Samson down.

Her name was Delilah.

Samson fell in love with Delilah knowing well that she was an enemy and that marked the beginning of the end for him - and his purpose.

So back to the mistakes Samson made:
1. Samson let his feelings control him. When Delilah asked him the source of his strength, Samson lied 3 times and on all occasions she tried to get the Philistines to kill him. That was enough for anyone to be cautious but not Samson. After her third trial Delilah flipped the script and told him if you love me you would tell me the truth - she appealed to his feelings and he ignored the fact that Delilah was no good for him.
Feelings make us human but when we let our feelings override the truth/fact it can make us weak and hurt us.
Never trust your feelings or emotions else they mislead you.

2. Samson willfully lived carelessly and abused God's mercy that he didn't know when God left him - Judges 16:20b says "but he did not know that the Lord had left him". This means we can get so lost in sin while singing about grace till God decides to just leave us and that's what Apostle Paul calls a reprobate mind.
So all may still seem normal as it was with Samson but with time the consequences of our actions will start showing.

3.Samson made Delilah an Idol by giving her greater priority than he gave to God. His desire for Delilah was deeper than his devotion to God.
Samson didn't worship God and never thanked God even all the times he defeated the Philistines. Instead he spent more time chasing women, little wonder he didn't know when God left him - he never truly desired God and his desires (women) brought about his downfall.

In summary, Samson was captured, imprisoned and his eyes were plucked out. The strongest man died with the Philistines - the same people he was supposed to deliver Israel from.
He never fulfilled his purpose because he got distracted and Israel were once again back to being in bondage.

Now you see why I would never understand why parents name their sons Samson and why I would never name my child after him - he abused love and is an example of how our weakness can overpower our strength, causing us and those dependent on us harm.

Sunday 1 January 2017

The Gift of A Second Chance


One of the most important lessons I have learned in life is that everyone deserves a second chance no matter what they have done. 
Before you say 'Okiemute e be like say person never do you strong thing before", remember also the time you showed others pepper and hurt them. We give people second chances because we too will at various times in our lives need second, third, fourth, fifth...chances. You see now?
Another lesson I have learned is that when we get a second chance in life we ought to accept it and not hold on to our mistakes. Let go of your mistakes and strive to do better.
One remarkable example of this is the story of the Adulterous woman in the Bible. She committed adultery and the penalty according to the law was death by stoning - I wonder why no one said anything about the man she cheated with. 
She was to be killed but Jesus Christ gave her back her life by simply making her accusers empathize with her. 
When the people asked Jesus his opinion on her sin as Moses law commanded that such a person be stoned to death, he responded saying
"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her".
He had asked them to put themselves in her shoes and decide if they would love to be condemned like that. Thank God it was a crowd of honest albeit hypocritical people. 
They dropped their stones and walked  away, and when the woman affirmed to Jesus that no one condemned her, he simply told her to "go and sin no more". 
She got a second chance at life and I hope she took it. I hope she forgave herself, asked her husband's forgiveness and lived more honourably.
Second chances are gifts that should be cherished and when God gives us a second chance in life, health, relationships, finances, it's our duty to accept his gift and make him glad.
These second chances come to us with each new day so do not let your mistakes hold you back from living well. 
It's a new year and a chance to get it right again - savour it, enjoy it and bless others with it. 
Happy New Year!