Today I Met My Husband And Inlaw

"Fine girl come now, I get wetin you dey find."

It was a vendor calling out to me as he pointed to dresses lined up in front of his shop.
I had gone to the market to get fruits and the taxi I alighted had pulled over in front of his shop.

As I walked through he continued his 'fine girl' call and made to hold my hand but I snatched my hands away - let me state here that being called 'fine' by a seller in the market doesn't necessarily mean you are good looking, it's your seeming capability to patronize them that qualifies you as fine - in their eyes.

I walked on as another man called out "my colour come o, na you I dey wait for since", I turned to see that it was a man with knuckles dark from cheap bleaching creams holding up a pair of denim pants.

I made to protest that I looked nothing like him but quickly reminded myself that every girl who walks past him today would be his colour - in his eyes - so I simply walked on.

I got to the spot where the fruit sellers were seated but as I examined the fruits the familiar voice of the man advertising his drugs came on, the van that served as a mobile pharmacy had just pulled up close to the fruit sellers and the speakers placed on it blared loudly.

The recorded voice quickly drowned out every other as he reeled out the duties of the wonder working drugs - those ones that promise to cure every ailment under the sun and leaves you wondering why scientists say they are yet to find the cure for Cancer and HIV.

"No more break and quench Oga as this our ogbonge medicine go make you stand kakaraka for 5 hours, sotay na your madam go dey beg".

He was advertising a libido boosting drug and sounded so sure of his promise that all I could think of was the poor woman whose partner would believe this and try it out on her.

Who would she run to when he stands kakaraka for 5 hours? Odiegwu!

I had to move a little further so the medicine seller's voice wouldn't drown out mine as I bargained for the fruits.

That's when I met him or rather heard his voice. 

"My wife, you nor know me again?" He asked and as I turned to look at him he smiled and continued, "why you dey form na abi I nor reach to marry you?"

The self appointed husband is a vendor holding up a pair of male shoes and as he spoke he beckoned onto me with his hands, "come na, you too fine and I go take care of you".

I simply shook my head and made to walk on when his neighbour spoke up "inlaw, why you dey do like this na".

In less than 5 minutes I had met my 'husband' and 'inlaw' - I am just not sure if he is a brother or father inlaw. 

I walked on and proceeded to buy my fruits.

As I walked past on my way out they called out to me again and I laughed as I observed them but just as I made to walk on, I heard 'the husband' call out to another lady "ehen see my real wife don show" and as he spoke I wondered how many women he married verbally daily.

He looked at me, smiled and said "no jealous am o, na you first do shakara", I smiled too and walked on as I reckoned that it's what a good wife would do, look the other way for the sake of peace.