What It Means When You Say "For Better Or Worse".

You watch as he is taken away in the Black Maria and for the first time since his ordeal began you break down in tears.

Your mother holds you and tries to console you but you are inconsolable. What started like a scene from a movie has metamorphosed into a night mare. Daniel your husband of 9 years has been taken away in detention to a prison hundreds of miles away from home. All of a sudden, you feel alone in the world.

You go back to your mother's house as the house you called home has been confiscated along side your cars and Daniel's other properties. All you have are the jewelry you hid, your designer bags, shoes and clothes, and your two children, Crystal who is 8 and Ella who is 3 years old.

Your mother sits you down the next day to remind you that the party is over, everything has changed and there's no time to grieve. Daniel may not be back anytime soon as the charges against him are heavy and you may never be able to afford the kind of lawyer that can defend him. She asks you to buckle your belt and hustle because you have 2 children to care for.

You spend days thinking of how to hustle but you come up with nothing and for the first time in your adult life you feel helpless as you realize you have never had to hustle to live.

You met Daniel in your final year in school and married him just after graduation. He insisted that you do nothing because he was capable of caring for you and he did care for you. He gave you the best life money could afford. Vacations were a dime a dozen, expensive Jewelry were the souvenirs from every trip made and he made many trips.

Now that he is gone, you realize you have no skill or experience but you are determined to survive as you tell yourself "what doesn't kill you make you stronger."

You decide that you would sell whatever you can from your Jewelry and start a business so you can take care of your kids.
You decide that you hold the Forte till Daniel returns.

What you do not know however is that you would lose the Five hundred thousand naira you raised from selling some Jewelry when the second hand clothes you would buy from Benin republic to sell in Nigeria are ceased at the Seme border by the Nigerian Customs because they are contraband goods.

What you also do not know is that you will fight with your Mum after she calls you foolish for being fully dependent on a man not having money stashed for the rainy days and that she would ask you to leave her house as there cannot be two Captains in a ship.

What you also do not know is that after selling more Jewelry and valuables to rent an apartment, pay your children's expensive school fees and the fees of the high profile Lawyer you got to defend Daniel, you would be totally broke.

What you also do not know is that Daniel's friends Bruno and Iyke who luckily escaped even though they were involved in the deal that led to his arrest would offer to help you only if you have sex with them.
You would spit in Bruno's face the day he tells you in his house and throw the glass of drink Iyke offered you in his office at him and you would cry for nights on end because you never knew people could change suddenly and be so cruel.

What you also do not know is that when your rent expires, you would go to your friends who would turn their backs on you and treat you like a Pariah. You would spend six hours outside Tricia's gate waiting for her so she can help you with money to buy food for your babies but she would tell her security man to tell you she isn't at home.

You didn't envisage the day you would withdraw Crystal and Ella from school because you can no longer afford the fees and even send Crystal to live with your Church members Mr and Mrs Nnamani who would offer to help care for her.

You do not know that 6 months after Crystal who is now 9 years old moves in with your church members, she would be abused sexually by Mr Nnamani. He would threaten to kill her if she mentions it to you or his wife and she would keep quiet out of fear.

You also do not know Crystal would die after she drinks the concoction given to her by Mr Nnamani when a Pregnancy test comes out positive. He would tell you after her burial to go for deliverance so that the spirits after you would not kill Ella as well and that he would keep you in his prayers.

You would cry as life deals you blow after blow and you remind yourself that this wasn't what you bargained for when you signed "For better or for worse."

You also do not know that you would try to make peace with your mother but she would turn you away, again.

You do not know that you would one day contemplate sleeping with Daniel's friends in exchange for money because there would be no money or health insurance to pay for an Appendectomy for Ella.

On that day you change your mind as you beg God to take your life instead because you have lost the fight in you.
On that day also your new boss a Lawyer whose house you clean would scold you when she finds you crying by the pool when you should have been working.

On that day you would tell her your story and she would promise to pay for Ella's surgery, take you out of the batcher made of zinc you live in and get a Lawyer to defend Daniel.
For the first time in years, someone would keep the promise they made to you and on the day you see Daniel again 5 years after his stay in detention, you would remind yourself what it meant when you said "For better or worse".

You do not know also that one year after Daniel's return you would have a son whom you would name 'Chukwuebuka' meaning God is Great. 

Today though, you are holding Crystal and Ella in your arms and showing them the Jewelry you plan to sell so you can raise funds to start a business selling second hand clothes as well as pay their school fees.

Today you promise to protect and care for your babies but you do not know all that life has in store for you.

Today, You Will Break His Heart

You blink back the tears as he turned to look at you.
Today you would break the heart of the one man who meant the world to you.

"What is it my dear?" He asks.

"I said I have something to say." You respond.

He takes off his glasses and puts down his book. He does this when he wants to give his full attention to a conversation and you always smile as you wonder how taking off one's glasses will make them hear well. Today however you do not smile.
How can you when you know everything is about to change?

As you open your mouth to speak, you let your mind drift to the days when life was perfect. When he meant the world to you, and he was the man you revered more than anything else. Your relationship with him began after Mum died when you were 6 years old. She died while giving birth and you were told the child was a boy. He too didn't make it.

Although you were too young to understand, Daddy always reveled you with stories of Mum. How they met, how she was the Centre of his world and how she passed because of the negligence of his best friend. For the past 21 years he has never told the story without crying and when you ask he would say...

"I'm still mourning my heart. I lost it the day your Mum left. She was my heart, my happiness, the only thing that made sense in my life. I lost all that when she left but I thank God for you. You are the only thing that makes sense in my life now and I owe it to Ese to take care of you."
He would then add "You know Ese means "gift" right? Your Mum was indeed a gift."

They first met when he visited her school with his best friend who had gone to see his sister. She was an undergraduate, he was working with the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and his best friend was a Medical Doctor.

You can almost visualize the scene because you have heard the story countless times.

He started it the same way, "I remember looking up to see her walking with my friend's sister towards our car. She was wearing a yellow flowery dress and white flip flops, her hair packed in a bun. She was the epitome of innocence and beauty. I remember because everything stopped till they got to the car and I couldn't hear a thing while we were being introduced. She wasn't the prettiest girl I had seen but my heart couldn't stop beating. It never stopped till we got married and till the day she left. The day she left was the day I lost my heart because it has never beat since then."

He would wipe his eyes as he told you of the day she left. He never used the word die.

Mum was supposed to be operated on because the baby was breached but Dad's best friend, Dr Okpako insisted on vaginal birth because he thought she could make it even against the advise of his other colleagues. She bled so much and was very weak by the time Dr Okpako decided to have a Caesarean Section done. She died with the baby.

Dad resigned from his job with the ministry and took up a teaching job just so he could take care of you. He never remarried.

Today as you watch him, you notice that he has aged slightly. He looks a little different from the man who made it his duty to dress you up for school everyday, played football with you and taught you to fight so you could defend yourself when you were being bullied at school.

He helped you bake pastries and sew aprons for Home-Economics practicals, taught you to swim, cleaned you up when you first noticed blood in your panties and gave you the sanitary pads he had bought in anticipation.

On the day of your Matriculation, he came with two buses filled with your relatives and more than enough for everyone to eat and drink.

On the day of your Convocation, he wrote a letter to you telling you how proud he was of you. Inside the envelope was the pearl earrings he had gifted your Mum when she had you. They are yours now.

When you got your job with the Advertising agency where you are now an executive, he gifted you a Car.

As you watch him today, you tremble as you think of how to break the news to him.

Frank has asked you to marry him.

You knew this would happen, you knew from that first day he let you take his space on the queue at the mall. He had seen you pushing your trolley full of items and gestured for you to take his place. When others on the queue protested, he went to stand at the rear taking your place. You had to wait outside till he came out so you could thank him.

That day you were convinced you had found the one that would take care of you.

When he told you his surname days after, you probed further and found out he is the son of Doctor Okpako, daddy's former best friend whose negligence cost your Mum's life.

You still agreed to date because you fell for him from that first day and when he asked to see your Dad you told him you wanted to be sure of his place in your life first.
He did all he could to assure you that you are first in his life and you fell harder for him.

He became your drug and addiction, and when he got on his knees and asked you to marry him, you snatched the ring and went on your knees too as you said yes. That day remains the best day of your life.

Today as you look at your Dad, you wonder how to break the news to him.

How do you tell him he's about to become family with the man against whom he has borne a grudge for over 20 years? How can you explain that in a world of over 7 billion people the one person you fell for is the son of his enemy? How can you claim to love a person and still break their heart?

Blinded By Grace

You scan through the hall for her and your heart sinks when you do not see her.

It was your fourth time at the church and now you are beginning to think your friends are right. Maybe you are losing it. Because honestly who goes to a Church for 4 Sundays successively just to catch a glimpse of a girl?

"Is something wrong with me?" You ask, thinking out loud.

It all began four Sundays ago when you attended Steve's marriage thanksgiving service.

You were unable to attend the wedding ceremony because you had arrived town late on the day and so you had to attend the thanksgiving service that held at his wife's Church the following day.

That was when you first saw her.

She was among the ushers that stood by the door, welcoming congregants.

She had flashed a smile as she said "God bless you Sir" and then she motioned for you to follow another usher who showed you your seat.

You always thought it cheesy to be greeted with "God bless you" whenever you were at a Church but on that day it sounded different.

Maybe it was her smile or the glint in her eyes. Maybe it was the Red dress she wore, but then the other Ushers wore red dresses too. Maybe it was because you were in a good mood. Whatever it was, hearing her say those words gave them a new meaning.

You found yourself glancing at the entrance where she stood earlier and scanning the congregation throughout the service just to catch a glimpse of her.

You smiled each time you saw her and you looked away quickly the time your eyes met hers as you walked out after the service.

As you drove home you thought of her but you told yourself it was nothing. You have met countless women and soon you would forget about her.

It was when you found yourself asking Steve the next Saturday what time the service in his wife's former church started that you knew this wasn't normal.

When he asked why, you told him you had decided to go 'visit' the church again. He expressed surprise because even his wife had started attending his own church as was the custom with most people after the wedding ceremony.

He handed the phone to his wife who explained the service hours to you.

As you hung up you decided you would go for the 3rd service because that was the service you attended when you saw her last week.

As you stepped into church the next day, she wasn't at the entrance. You felt somewhat disappointed but you shrugged off the feeling as you were sure you would see her during the service. But you didn't.

You recall the Pastor preaching about Grace, the unmerited favour of God that saves even the worst of us.

"The thing about Grace is that it doesn't care about your past. No matter how ugly your past is, Grace can save you. No matter how far you have gone, Grace reaches out and hands you a clean slate."

You remember those words because you felt he was talking to you but your mind kept drifting as you scanned through the congregation for her. She was not there. As you stepped out of church at the close of service, you felt disappointed.

During the course of the week you found yourself thinking of her and you decided this wasn't cool anymore so you called Steve who had traveled with his wife for their 'honey moon' and you told him everything. He laughed as he teased you, but you told him you were not joking.

Even you were scared of the way you felt, this had never happened before.

Okay, fine you had met girls you were drawn to in the past and you went all out to get them but they were usually girls of a particular 'spec' and they were not girls who welcomed you at church.

The next Sunday you found yourself at church again. This time you attended the 2nd service and when you didn't see her, you waited for the 3rd.

The Pastor preached again about 'Grace'.

"Paul the apostle is the perfect example of how Grace can change a man. Paul was the original bad guy. He supervised the killing of Christians and destroyed churches but when Grace found him he became a new man. He was so convinced of his new nature that while addressing the church he boldly declared, I have wronged no man. Some of the women in the crowd were widows of men he had killed so imagine the effrontery in saying he had done no wrong. Grace enabled him move on from the past."

You remembered those words because again you felt as though the Pastor was talking to you. Intermittently your mind would drift to her and you would scan the congregation. She still wasn't at church.

On the 4th Sunday, you heeded the call to 'give your life to Christ' after the Pastor finished his message on Grace. He had talked about Rahab the prostitute and the woman who was caught in adultery. They both were to be stoned to death as was the custom in those days but Grace saved them.

The Choir had sang a song about Grace.

"Lord I've been broken
Although I'm not worthy
You fixed me, I'm blinded
By your Grace
You came and saved me"

You remember those lines from the song because it was as they sang the words, that you felt the overwhelming urge to just surrender. On that day you became born again.

As you drove home, you wondered if it was the desire to see her or the words that were preached that had made you attend the church for 4 Sundays successively. As you pondered on the words of the Pastor as he spoke at the reception held for New Believers after the service, you decided that it was Grace that had kept you. You knew you wanted to see her again but you also knew you had been blinded by God's Grace.

Today, 4 days after your conversion as you pulled over at the parking lot of the restaurant where you were to meet with Steve for lunch and business talk, you had only one thing on your mind. A desire to pursue a relationship with God and just live differently. You had bought some messages and listened to them for the past days in the house and as you drove in your car. You felt renewed.

You walk out of the parking lot towards the restaurant where Steve is already waiting, you have not seen him since he returned from his 'honeymoon'.

As you walk on, you ponder on the ideas you had drawn out to discuss with him. You mull over them as you climb the stairs but you are jolted to reality by the lady who almost bumps into you.

She was talking on the phone and almost missed her step, you had to hold her to steady her.

"You should pay more attention to the stairs so you don't fall."

"I'm so sorry." She responds. She seemed to have ended the call as she turned to face you.

Excitement, relief, joy and panic rush through you all at once as you recognize her. You feel your heart stop and for a minute you can't seem to find the words to say. The lady that took you back to Church is standing right in front of you and she is wearing a Red dress again.

"Hi, my name is Grace" she says as she extends her hand for a shake.

You shake hands with her but still say nothing. You managed a nod.

"I'm sorry, I almost bumped into you. I just got back to town and headed here first as I'm planning a surprise party for my Fiance. He doesn't know I'm back and I was just telling him I missed my flight. It's his birthday and his friends will bring him here to celebrate so..."

She was speaking so fast as she tried to apologize and explain why she almost bumped into you but after you heard Fiance, you barely heard any other thing she said.

All you remember is your heart racing as you spot the ring on her finger. You nod at her and walk on into the restaurant to meet Steve. 

How did you not notice a ring that first Sunday or was she not engaged then?

You know you have lost appetite. You know you may not be able to discuss business with Steve as planned. You know you just had your heart broken without even being in a relationship. 

You feel a lump in your throat and now you wonder if Grace would keep you in Church now that you know the Grace you originally desired is engaged.

As you ponder on the events of the past four Sundays, only one question lingers in your mind "Were you blinded by God's Grace or the Grace in a Red dress?"

Meeting The In-laws

"You need to be calm and at least be thankful that nothing bad happened. It could have been worse you know."
"Darling I know. I'm just really angry at myself, I think I over reacted. I have never insulted someone like that in my life, I never even knew I had it in me to snap and be that savage." You replied.
As you continue, you know the next thing she would say is "Sweetheart stop beating yourself up, it's your.... And as if on cue you hear the words "Sweetheart stop beating yourself up, it's your melancholic self taking over again. Just take a deep breath, you'll be fine."
You smile as you knew she would make you inhale and exhale deeply 3 times. The exercise always worked and as you inhale the third time, you feel relief wash over you. So you smile widely again.

"Darling, I can't imagine my life without you. You are THE blessing that gives meaning to my other blessings." You blurt out the words without thinking and you sigh because this is what she does to you. She makes you feel the way you have never felt and so you say things you have never said and you mean them.

"You know you are my best YES right?" She asks.
She always asks this question right before she adds, "You know, I still wonder how I survived three decades without you."
You wait to hear the words but instead she says "Sweetheart I'll have to speak to you later. My Dad is calling me, I think my Uncle has arrived".

"Alright, I'll go freshen up now. We are headed for my uncle's in a few minutes as well." You replied.

As you hang up you replay the day's incident in your head.
You had left the office and was on your way to the airport to pick up your brother who had just come into town. You left work early because you would both go to see your uncle who would also accompany you to see her family for your first formal introduction.
You are well acquainted with her parents and siblings and even had their help when you proposed to her but other members of your family would have to meet other members of her family to formally ask her hand in marriage.
Your brother had just come into town and your parents were arriving the next day.

It was on your way to the airport that the incident happened. You narrowly escaped a head on collusion with an oncoming vehicle.
It had all happened so fast.
One minute you were listening to a conversation about the disturbing rise in depression induced suicide amongst young Nigerians, the next minute you found yourself swerving off your lane as the oncoming vehicle hit yours hard before the driver speeds past you.
As you watched from your rear view mirror, you saw the car move in a zig-zag motion and you fear that he would run into pedestrians because he seemed to be having brake failure. You managed to get back on your lane, turned the vehicle and sped to catch up with him. The car continued ahead in the zigzag motion as pedestrians and vendors scampered in different direction so as not to be hit.

It was when the car ran into a pot hole that was becoming a ditch on the road that it stopped. The ineptitude of government seemed to have become a blessing.
You caught up with them and pulled over just behind their vehicle, still shaken from all that happened.

As you got out of your car, you demanded to know what happened from the driver who screamed in return as he asked if you couldn't see that it was Brake failure. As you heard him scream you felt anger rise within you. That was when you scolded him that he definitely had been on full speed before the Brake failure happened.

An elderly man opened the back door and came out of the car. He tried to pacify you but you were too angry to listen to him so you hurled insults at him and the driver.
A small crowd had gathered at this time.

You ask them what they would have done had any life been lost. You were shaking as you spoke and you knew your reaction was the aftermath of the shock you experienced. The elderly man asked you to watch your tongue but you shut him up as you told him the cost of your bumper was enough to pay for the SUV they drove. You finally walked out on them and continued your trip to pick your brother from the airport. It was while relaying the incident to him that you admitted that you over reacted. He assured you that it was not your fault, he even said he may have slapped the driver had he been in your shoes.

When you got home and you relayed all that happened to Voke, your Fiancée she assured you that it could have been worse and urged you not to berate yourself for overreacting.

As the conversation ended, you step into the bathroom. A cold bath never felt so good.

Two days later you arrive her house in company of your Parents, Brother and Uncle for the formal introduction ceremony.
You wanted a party but she insisted on keeping it 'simple and private'.
In her words, "the wedding can be a carnival if you please but I want this to be quiet."

As you exchange pleasantries with her family - your in laws to be, her Father pleads that you all be patient as his brother who came into town for the event was on his way. He had insisted on staying at a hotel instead of the house.

You smile as you recall that Voke had told you the day before.
Drinks were served and Voke came out to greet members of your family.
She was still on her knees in front of your Parents when you heard her Dad say "Finally, the Lion has arrived.

A vehicle had just driven into the compound and you were told that it was her uncle.

A few minutes later he walked into the house, you were already on your feet ready to greet him. As you stretched out your hand your eyes meet. You recognize him immediately and you look away.

He seemed to scrutinize you as he asked squinting "Have we met before? Your face looks really familiar."

You do not know how to respond as your mind drifts back to the incident 2 days ago on your way to the airport. He is the elderly man from the accident. 

As he takes your hand in his, you remember saying words like 'nitwit', 'ignoramus', 'dimwit' 'inept', 'stupid', 'unfortunate' and even slurs on that day.

That was when he spoke up again, "are you not the one our car collided with?"

As recognition dawned on him, he snatched his hand away from yours saying "Ah, we have already been introduced."

Then he turns to his brother, your Father in-law to be and says "this is the young man I said reminded me of the disrespect and folly of this generation."

As he spoke you turned to look at your Fiancée and as your eyes met you could tell she is thinking the same thing "this is the real Gobe."