Chairman, This Is For You

It happened again today, like it does when I say I cannot buy something because I cannot afford it at that time.

I usually get a "call Chairman na, let him support" statement. This statement which I find idiotic, is usually accompanied with a wry smile.

'Chairman' here, is you. Everyone assumes that you can pay for anything and in fact are responsible for everything I have.

I do not blame them though, it is the prevalent  mentality in the environment we live in. A woman always has a man somewhere 'sponsoring' her.

Getting support isn't bad in itself but the truth is that, I wouldn't always let you do things for me and while it may get to you sometimes, with time you would understand that I like to take responsibility for me.

You would know too that it doesn't in anyway affect my loyalty to you neither does it reduce your masculinity.

It's just a matter of values for me - a sense of responsibility and respect for self.

You would learn all these with time just as you would know that my values begin with God, family and work - in that order. But I also can't imagine life without music, high heels, Akara, short dresses, wine and some other things that I can't write here. I'd have to whisper them to you.

Sometimes at events, I keep a straight face as though I'm deeply engrossed when in reality I don't even understand a single thing of what's happening.

Sometimes I smile and nod during conversations even when I do not understand a thing about what's being said.

You would also learn these with time.

Sometimes I think of all that God has done for me and I cry. So on the days I burst into tears while looking at you, don't be alarmed. It would be because I am wondering how I could have deserved you. I would be wondering how of everyone else, it is I who can get away with anything. I would be overwhelmed by the fact that I can kiss you anywhere, anytime...just because I can. Say what?

You would also learn that I am not a girl that likes Pink. I do not like animation films. I do not like reading messages written with abbreviated words. I have a challenge remembering roads, so you may find yourself checking up on me when I go to places just so I don't get lost even though I have visited those places ten times - Google Maps helps a lot now though. But I like long drives and cake and chocolates and rice and wine - ok, I already mentioned that.

You would realize with time that one of my weaknesses would be my inability to hide anything from you - even the most embarrassing stuff and also, my inability to stay mad at you for long. No matter how angry I am, one look at you would melt my heart, though I might still refuse to talk to you.

There are days you would look at me and thank God for the gift of me. And on other days, you'd ask yourself why you still put up with me but on those days you'd have to remember that when we choose to love people, we give them permission to hurt us. It's up to us to decide who's worth it - I hope I'd always be worth it, for you.

When people look at us, they may wonder, "how does she cope with him?" They wouldn't know you are my heart. How can I live without my heart?

And, in a world where there are blurred lines, I know you would still be a man who listens to the Holy Spirit.

In a world where normalcy is wearing a new face, I know you'd stay true to God's word.

I know you'd be a great worshipper and therefore a great lover because a man who can genuinely pour out his heart to God, declaring his worth and magnificence, is a man who would also pour from his heart to express his love for me, my worth to him.

I also know that I wouldn't have to bother about issues of respect and equity with you because you are refined. Yours is a refinement that comes not just from education and exposure but from the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. He guides you.

And having said my values begin with God, family and work, you needn't bother about where you fit in because "You are my family, coming only after God."

So Chairman, if you ever find yourself wondering who my favourite person is, you'd only need to look in the mirror.

There's so much more I want to say to you but I'll keep them till I see your face.

In the words of Michael Buble, "I promise you Kid that I'd give so much more than I get, I just haven't met you yet."