Me, Feminist? Please Don't Insult Me!

"The Estrogen in the room was too much, I had to leave." It was my Boss talking.

I nodded in agreement. She was referring to a Conference we had attended - she as a Guest and I for work, to cover the event.

It was a Conference for women, 'to push the women agenda' - that's me quoting the convener verbatim - and to be honest, there were quite a number of influential women in attendance.

"I don't like being in places where too many women are gathered especially one where 'Feminism' will be the agenda." She added and continued.
"I don't believe in Feminism because I think it is a result of self-loathing. I wasn't brought up as a girl but as a human being. As a child I had more male friends than female friends so where would the mentality of inferiority come from?"
"I am a proud Yoruba woman and where I come from women are treated with respect and as equal to men so I see no reason why I should start fighting to be respected. I think it's demeaning."

I nodded again and told her that while some cultures still subjugate women and see them as inferior to men, the feminist agenda may have been over stretched as some people do it with a band wagon mentality, not really sure why or what they are 'fighting' for.

I referred to a panelist at the event that said "if you are not militant about your feminism, then forget about it.

" In my head I thought, "Shuo, na so the matter serious reach? Wetin bring militancy come this matter now, abi na war?"

That's when my Boss went on to educate me with facts that buttressed my point.

She stated that the fight for equality in the United States of America started because it is 'statutory" for men to be paid more than women even when they do the same work, and that where a man and woman were both qualified for a role, the man is usually picked. This led to many women sitting at home and it's what birthed the fight for equal treatment of both gender - Feminism.

"So I don't understand the basis of our fight here especially when it is women that uphold some cultural practices put in place by men to maltreat women."
"I am not saying the fight for equality is irrelevant but it is women who shave a woman's hair when her husband dies and force her to drink the fluid used to wash his body. It is not men that do it."

She spoke up about a court ruling that will be given in favor of women inheriting property from their fathers in parts of Igbo land and added that the challenge with some of these practices is that our mentality holds us back.

"A female lawmaker who was amongst those that pushed for this law said her Uncle, a Professor dared her to come for her father's property even if a law is passed. So you see that even those who are educated still hold on to culture."

I noted that I believe some women are anti-feminism, they hate the fact that they are women and project that hate onto men. They already see themselves as inferior to men and as such tout the equality mantra every chance they get not really because they are marginalized. They just need to reaffirm their worth to themselves.

She went on to add that as a Boss, when a male is disrespectful she doesn't think it because she is female.

"I assume that they would have done that to a man and I respond in a way that let's them know I am the Boss - the human being in charge."

"I think calling me a Feminist is an insult, women in Yoruba land owned slaves years ago and did same businesses as men. I know some cultures still hold women back but I personally can't talk about fighting for equality."

She went on to quote lines from a Poem she had written on this subject matter and while a lot was said, in summary I think it would be best if we do not reaffirm the echoes of being the 'weaker sex' to our daughters.

I think the fight for Gender parity is good and we shouldn't raise girls to feel they have to go the extra mile to defeat their male counterparts. They shouldn't also start seeing boys as their rivals from childhood - what with the militant feminism talk?

Teach them the gift of work and importance of providing for themselves.

We should raise them to be fully formed humans who know that though they may not be physically strong as men, it in no way diminishes their strength neither does it make men their rivals. And that real strength is mental, you are as small, weak as your mind tells you - we should teach our boys and girls this.

We should also raise men who from childhood see women as human beings who though are of a different gender have the same capabilities and privileges as they.

We should raise boys that are not ashamed to show their weaknesses in front of girls.
Boys who would grow into the men deserving of our girls and girls deserving of our boys.

I think we should talk more about EQUITY instead of EQUALITY that way no boy or girl will be left behind.