So I promised that I would write about the conversation that I had with my colleagues. I should have done this days ago but I have been battling the flu and fever - I'm better now and I'm grateful.
Our conversation started with the talk of superstition after a Wall Gecko fell on a colleague's Laptop (you may read about it in my last post) and from there we progressed to sex.
For the purpose of this post I will call my colleagues Ola, Efe, Ego and Vera.
It started with a question I asked.
'Is it true that most married women have been raped by their husbands? There was a conversation on Social media days ago about it and most women responded that they had been raped'.
My question wasn't directed to anyone in particular but as soon as I landed, Efe responded that it shouldn't be rape if it is between a man and his wife.
But Vera stated that a man who has sex with his wife against her will has raped her.
Then Efe cut in again "the challenge is that sometimes we do it not because we want it but because of you".
Vera eyed him and asked "how do you say you are doing it because of me even after I have made it clear that I am not in the mood?"
Efe responded again "most times when you say no we go ahead because of our pride, we need to know that we have what it takes to put you in the mood." Ola nodded in agreement.
At this point I asked 'how do you prove a point by forcing yourself on someone who has clearly said no?'
"How would you feel if you tell a man no today and he let's you be and then tomorrow and the day after he still let's you be after you say no? You would think he's cheating and so we try to make you change your mind even when we are not in the mood for sex just so you don't think that there's someone else", he responded.
I looked at him askance 'If I keep saying no shouldn't that be a sign that there may be an issue on my mind or one to be resolved? A man should be more concerned about finding out the problem and trying to solve it and seducing me instead of forcing himself on me just so he wouldn't disappoint me cos I wouldn't say no if what I mean is yes.'
He laughed and stated that I wouldn't understand as I am not a man.
That's when Ego asked "so how many times should a couple have sex in a week cos if we can have an average number it may help".
I responded with 'should that be measured? I think it depends on the couple, no two marriages are the same na'.
As soon as I responded Vera spoke up again "it usually happens a lot when you first get married in fact when we first got married I almost ran away o. We would have sex before we sleep, in the middle of the night and then early in the morning but after a while it happens like 2 or 3 times or even once in a week." She said.
Everyone else laughed as they shared their experiences.
At this point I remembered I was the only single person in the room so I kept shut and just listened as the conversation continued.
She said again "the number of times a couple have sex can't really be decided on as events may affect your plan but if you go a long time without sex, then it means there's a problem, a crack."
"How long would that be" Ego asked.
"3 months for example is proof that there's a problem unless one party is not around but if they are both in the same house for even a month without having sex when one isn't ill then there's a problem", Vera responded.
I looked at the others, they all agreed.
"Do you think sex is overrated?' I asked as I talked about a neighbor that beat up his wife because she didn't want to have sex.
"It can be abused but it is not overrated o because no matter how many times you have had it, there's this bond you feel each time you do it. It brings you closer and of course ensures procreation but beating up your wife because of sex is extreme." Vera responded.
"Maybe the guy thinks or has proof that she is cheating", Ola stated.
"What if she just wasn't in the mood for sex. What if they had sex already and she didn't want more? Vera asked and added "some of these things are caused by what you people see in Porn movies, where they have sex for hours nonstop in all kinds of position".
She went on to talk about how the kind of sex portrayed by porn actors is unrealistic and may set up a couple for frustration.
'Imagine hanging from the chandelier, head down and feet in the air while still screaming in excitement." I said and everyone laughed.
The conversation continued and one thing I learned is that men and women would always have different perspectives about sex which may result in conflict if there is no proper communication about expectations and agreement about boundaries between a couple.
What do you think?
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