"So what's your spec Okiemute?"
'My spec?'
"Yes, you heard all we said na so what do you like in a man?"
It was Kunle (not his real name) speaking.
I shook my head to say I did not hear even though I had heard all their arguments about some men being attracted to boobs while some others are attracted to big backsides.
Some said all that matters is a pretty face while others said everything matters. These ones want a woman who is tall, curvy, pretty, with big boobs, big backsides, fine legs, large eyes, full lips - in my head I thought these ones should get clay and mould their own women, who talks about lips and eyes as criteria for choosing a partner?
Kunle tried to explain the crux of the conversation to me, "Okay, we are asking if it really matters that you stick with your spec when it comes to marriage. Like if you like light skinned guys and you meet a dark complexioned guy would you date him?"
In my head I thought so because of his skin colour I would discard a man who excites my mind and that I'm attracted to? Then I asked myself if I would choose chocolate over vanilla but I said nothing as he seemed like he had more to say.
He pointed at another colleague and continued, "Dan for example always liked them tall, light skinned and chubby."
I turned to look at Dan, I had seen his wife's picture and she was not tall, not fair and certainly not chubby.
"Did she get pregnant and you had to marry her?" I asked as I glared at him.
Everyone laughed as they knew why I asked, his wife was nothing of the spec that was just described.
He smiled and said he fell in love and everything changed.
I rolled my eyes.
"So what's your spec, this girl she will change the matter o. I know Okiemute she would not want to talk about herself."
It was Iyke speaking up.
I smiled.
"Oh well, he first needs to have sense."
They all turned to look at me as I shrugged and continued "Wise men are hard to find these days. It's easier to find a man with money than one with wisdom, so that's it. Sense first, a man who would make me and everyone else listen when he talks, one who is refined and whose opinion I can trust. Everything else is secondary."
Kunle laughed and said "I just knew your answer would be different. Would you be attracted to his 'sense' at first sight madam? Describe physical attributes you want."
I spoke up again 'if I was Dan's wife I would be worried o. If I knew my husband had a spec and I don't fit that, I would be worried.'
"Why?" Anita one of the ladies asked.
'Because the desires I have now that I'm an adult may not change. Teenage fantasies are different from desires in adulthood. So I fear that a man may wander after what he originally desired or be distracted.' I said and continued, 'so Dan have you been tempted to cheat or have you cheated with your spec?'
Dan looked at me askance but I stared back hard at him.
"You are changing the conversation now, this girl." He said.
'Don't this girl me. Answer.' I retorted.
He smiled and then his phone rang so he had to go take the call.
That was how the conversation changed and attention was off me.
The question became, if a man had a spec and marries a woman that doesn't fit his spec, would he cheat?
Some argued that men are polygamous by nature and as such will always cheat - I find this cringe worthy by the way.
Some opined that love can make a person realise that specs do not matter while others thought after a while a man may get distracted if he meets a girl that fits his spec even if he is married or in a committed relationship.
Do specifications/physical attributes matter? Should that be the determinant of the quality of a relationship?
Would a man cheat if his partner is not his 'original' spec? Will a woman cheat if she meets the 'Adonis' of her fantasy?
What do you think?
Photo Credit: baucemag.com
I like this topic and I think there is no yes or no answer here, a person who will cheat will cheat regardless of the physical attributes their partner possesses but I think it's best to stick with a person you are attracted to both physically and mentally.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your thoughts and I think as you said a person who will cheat will find an EXCUSE to and a person who wouldn't will find a REASON not to.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm where do I start from now. As much as we also do consider other areas of compatibility in choosing a life partner like religion, communication, education and the likes, I still believe physical compatibility should not be over looked. It is true that anyone who wants to cheat will still cheat irrespective of whether he got his or her spec or not but putting this part into consideration is also essential when choosing a life partner. Though that shouldn't be the number one criteria but should be part of it. I know men whose wives are exceptionally beautiful but they still cheat on them, and interestingly even the women they go out with is no match with their wives at home, but we can't also rule out the fact that other factors might also be responsible. Using myself as a case study, there was an ex that our relationship didnt last more than three months and what was my reason for ending it? All I desire in a woman she does not have it but she is a nice person and also supportive, I like them tall and of which she is not, educational wise not so sound and cant speak fluently, but in all honesty I have come to realise you cant always have it all in one so I was willing to overlook some of this areas and see how those could be worked on but what became so difficult for me to cope with is her level of neatness even down to her own body. I made effort to see how she can improve on that but it was met with resistance from time to time, so when I could not tolerate any longer I had to call it off before emotions build so high, today the lady is married and am happy for her. So my take okiemute on this is that, physical attributes should not be the major criteria but should not be overlooked because it does matters.
ReplyDeletePhysical attributes should not be overlooked but shouldn't be the main criterion. I buy this Innocent.
DeleteAbout your ex, I guess it's what they about one man's meat being another's poison - if she doesn't work on her hygiene though, she may put off her partner in future.