Is it okay for a man to share the cost of the bride price with his bride?
Let me rephrase.
If the cost of the bride price is high, should the bride or his friends contribute?
And no, this isn't about me...inugo?
So this is why I am asking.
A colleague was whining about how he had been added to a Whatsapp group by a friend who was helping another friend plan his wedding.
Apparently the groom needed help with finances and his friend helped set up a 'wedding committee' to assist.
You would probably think the 'committee members' would be assisting in planning the wedding or taking charge of duties on the wedding day but that isn't the aim.
Their duty is to contribute monies to help pay for the bride price and other things.
The group was set up for these 'committee members' to keep tabs on each other and give progress report about their payment.
I was taken aback.
Were these committee members there when the groom met his bride? Did they all date her? Were they there when he fell in love? Did they ask him to propose? Did they pick the wedding date? Why should they bear the brunt of the bride price? Is she a community bride? A wife for the public?
I looked at my colleague and the only thing I wanted to say was maybe you need a new set of friends but because I knew it wouldn't be nice, I asked instead 'What is the bride doing about the cost of the bride price and the ceremony? Shouldn't they cut their coat according to their cloth?'
His response almost got me saumasaulting.
"The bride doesn't even know my friend doesn't have the money. That would be falling his hand." He said.
At that point my mouth was agape.
So opening up about the true state of your finances to a person you plan to be with for the rest of your life is'falling one's hand'. Who knew?
I immediately felt pity for the bride because she would eventually find out that her husband wasn't entirely honest especially when they spend the first year of their marriage paying debts.
The groom in question probably wants to protect his bride from the stress of worrying about finances but he has in the process exposed her and their relationship to his friends. He may also be trying to be a 'man' about it and protecting his ego, now his friends are contributing against their will.
So where should the line be drawn between protecting one's ego and being completely honest with a partner especially when you are certain that the rest of your life will be with them?
Should friends be made to pay for their friend's decision to get married?
Now I ask again, is it okay for a man to share the cost of the bride price with his bride? Would that be unacceptable?
Would it have been so bad if this groom had asked his bride for support or at least let her know he may not be able to foot the bill for her bride price? Would it make him seem incompetent and not ready?
If the bride can afford it, should the groom ask her support or would that hurt his pride and mar their relationship?
And if she isn't contributing should she not know the state of things?
Is it okay to marry a person you can't be honest with about the state of your finances?
Do you have any experience you want to share?
Okis the truth is this, there is nothing wrong if the bride chose to assist the groom in paying some of the things required for the traditional rite but not the bride price itself. In most cases the bride price is not usually cost but the requirements for the traditional rite(THE LIST) is where bulk of the money is. So if the bride choose to assist in that area as a result of the groom not financially capable to take care of it all, then there is noting wrong with that. But he has to do all he can to get the bride price itself, it will be out of place getting that from the bride or even friends. Though it is more dignifying and honourable when the groom takes care of all of this things. As regard the financial status of the groom, I dont see any reason why the groom shouldn't be honest to his bride. If he can't open up in that area then there is lack of trust in that relationship but if the bride in question is one who can't manage finance properly, if she is the type who spends unnecessarily then wisdom demand he should be discrete on what he let her know. But on a lighter note and in our own language, make some of all these our tribes(them know themselves) try to help matters, the things wey some tribes dey demand for the LIST e too much.
ReplyDeleteThe crux of the matter for me is the Groom's unwillingness to be honest with the Bride because he doesn't want to 'fall his hand'. I'm not against the Bride's support, after all they are equal partners in the union.
DeleteAs for the cost of bride price in some cultures, we many need to meet the King, Elders Council, Traditional Prime Minister and all Stakeholders to deliberate that...lol.
Thank you Innocent.