Having Sex Is Easy, Getting Naked Is The Hard Part

I listened intently as he spoke.

"Okiemute that girl is crazy, really crazy. Do you know we had sex the same day we met?"

I looked at him askance. How was I supposed to know?
He paused and when I said nothing he went on. "It was at my cousin's wedding."
I said nothing still and he continued. "She is a great girl but mehn, she isn't really what I want."
That's when I spoke up.
"Was is not just a month ago you met her? Or is it not the same girl you called your last bus stop?"
"Hmmm" He said.
'And just like that she isn't what you want?' I asked.
"Ehen na. We have talked a lot and to be fair to her, she has been really open to me. So I know." He retorted.
I sighed.
'You know? Oh well, then you should let her go now cos it will hurt more if you string her along.'
"How do I tell her? That's the issue." He said.
'How? Are you really asking me?'
I knew my irritation was evident in my voice, so I took a deep breath and continued.
'You had sex before you got naked and now you can't stand her nakedness so you should let her know.'
"I don't understand all this grammar you are speaking." He said.
'If she has been open then you should know how to talk to her. She may not even be taking this as seriously as you think and if you say she is crazy because you had sex the first day, then you are too or was it forced?'
He brightened when I said that and in my head I thought 'Goodluck bro'.

"I will let you know how it goes." He said.
As the Video call ended, I pondered on our conversation, recalling his excitement the day he told me he had met the girl of his dreams and was in love - the sex must have been great.

That was really about a month ago and now he wasn't sure anymore. The love had disappeared and the dream was over, just like that.
He fell in love with her after sex but now cannot deal with the reality of being with her.

As I thought about this, the truth of a statement I always tell myself dawned on me. 

'Having sex with a person is easy, the hard part is getting naked, letting them see you as you are. Exposing your flaws, insecurities, weaknesses and inadequacies is the risky part.'

In the heat of passion anyone can look attractive and even perfect but after the passion fades and you see the flab on the tummy, the stretch marks, the scars, they may become undesirable.

Have you tried being naked with a person?

I am not just talking about 'nakedness' in its literal sense, but opening up about who you really are beyond your clothes, makeup, body, job, title, property etal.

It's as John Legend sang in 'All of Me' when he said 'all of me loves all of you, all your curves and edges'. 

Sometimes when we say we love people, it is the side of them we see that we love and not all of them so when their edges cut us, we flinch, turn and run. 

But this isn't what love should be about.

Love in its purest form ought to embrace the object of its affection with a fierce determination to never let go come what may.
Love knows the beloved is imperfect but chooses them.
Love sees what the rest of the world may never see and still stays.

Still it is hard to get naked.

I guess it is why we see celebrities who seem to have it all together unable to keep relationships. I am sure it is because people see stars and not human beings and so when they realize these people are flawed, they are 'disappointed' and leave.

But then, it is the little things about us, the details of our experiences that make us and until we can share those with the people in our lives, we will never be sure of our place with them and vice versa.

Its like the line from West Life's 'Flying Without Wings' that says 'it's the little things that only I know, those are the things that make you mine'.

It's why most people who have lost relationships because they shared certain secrets go into new relationships determined to hide their secrets.

It's as they say "once bitten, twice shy", and because we may never know how the people in our lives will react when we strip and bare it all, the best we can do is let them see bits and pieces of us in hopes that they still love us when they finally get to meet us. 

And I do hope that you find the courage to get naked and let them meet you regardless of the consequences.