Free At Last: Letting Go of Perfection.

"Seriously"?
"Is that what you have been enduring? To be honest if I was asked to name one perfect person I would mention you".
Those were my brother's words in response to an experience I shared with him. I felt ashamed but I responded...'My dear it's what I have had to endure, alas I'm not perfect'.
You see from a young age I had an idea of how I thought I ought to be, how I wanted to be perceived and that led to me having a script almost all the time for how I was to act, talk, respond, walk, dress, appear, laugh and even cry. I couldn't bring myself to admit to having certain shortcomings even when they were overly conspicuous. I couldn't afford to be caught looking a certain way. I couldn't afford to be perceived as having certain emotions that others felt...talk about the girl that smiles and laughs loudest when deep inside her heart hurts, head aches and she feels like she will explode? The girl that corrects you for laughing because that's not the way to laugh? That's me. I couldn't bring myself to say certain things. I couldn't afford to mess up. Let's just say I couldn't afford to be HUMAN!
Don't get me wrong, most people who know me well wouldn't tell you I'm perfect but they may swear that I can't do certain things and wouldn't fall for certain tricks...because in their opinion, I know better than that. But like most people I do not know better. Like most people also, I grew up listening to and reading lies about how I ought to act, look, dress and behave. I had valued myself against my job, relationship status and the brand names on the things I had. I lost sight of myself. Until it all fell apart - which explains my conversation with my brother.
Like Cinderella I had to face my midnight after my fairytale but I learned that fairy godmothers end in fairytales.
I reached a point of acceptance where I realized that the pursuit of perfection is an effort in futility.
That was where God found me.
And like the woman with the alabaster box, I fell at his feet broken and empty.
He scooped me up reminding me that it's okay to feel certain emotions, to not be a size 0 or a size 4, to not have it all together, to not be perfect. And that it's okay to not be okay.
You too may have lived your life mostly trying to live up to the expectations of others and gain their acceptance. Know that the only one whose acceptance you need, accepts you as you are.
You may feel like you have no idea where your life is going but remember you have a guide. Just let him lead you.
You may feel like you have gone too far in creating an illusion of a perfect life and are bothered by what others may think but you need to let go and take steps in recovery.
You may trip and fall, you may feel like you take one step forward and two steps backwards - we all do, but remember that the aim is not to be perfect.
God's hands will hold you no matter for he has said in Matthew 28:20 'lo I am with you always even unto the end of the world'
And when you feel like you are not enough recall Psalms 139:14 'I will praise thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well'.