The first time you fell in love, it was with a woman - dark and beautiful. It wasn't her looks however that made you love her for you were yet to decipher the true meaning of beauty. It was the way she catered to you and doted on you like you were the only one in the world. She nurtured you,fed you, nursed you, smothered you with affection, played with you and was always there even when it didn’t seem like you needed her.
You had no choice really, loving her came naturally. With time though you came to learn her name, not the name everyone else called her but the name exclusive to you, her firstborn son. "Mummy."
The second time you fell in love, it was with a girl. Onome was your cousins' neighbour and you first saw her during the holidays you spent with your cousins, the one that preceded your 2nd year in primary school. Unlike other girls, she ignored dolls and played with the boys, stood up to bullies and always shared her snacks with others. She seemed wise in a way that was unusual with other kids and you stuttered each time she tried to make conversation with you.
The love however disappeared that day you played the game of hide and seek. Everyone hid and she was to find them. You watched her from your hiding place as she walked straight to you - you still do not know how she knew exactly where you had hidden. Instead of screaming that she had found you, she leaned in and kissed you. You stood frozen for some seconds and bolted. You still do not know why you ran but your love for her turned to fear and died that day.
The third time you fell in love, it was with a boy. You knew it was love because even though your Mum, Dad and other relatives were in the room, it seemed like you were alone with him. Everyone else faded as you stared at him. You touched him and he purred and broke into a smile, the best you had seen. That day, even though you didn't know how, you promised yourself that you would always protect him.
The next day at school, you excitedly told your friends about him. Your mother's new born son, your baby brother.
Love for you came in phases, and as you grew, you experienced and received love from different people - family, friends, girlfriends and even strangers. You however learned that some of what you thought of as love were crushes and infatuation - pseudo-love.
You recall that day many years ago in Sunday school where the teacher said love had different types and classified them into three - Eros, Phileo and Agape.
Eros or romantic love he said, is selfish as it is dependent on certain conditions. It is the type that exists between lovers and isn't built to last. Phileo or brotherly love on the other hand is less selfish and is the type a mother/father has for their child. Agape however isn't dependent on any condition or relationship, it loves inspite of faults, errors and mistakes.
You asked if Eros could transition to Agape and he said it could. He said it is the only way Eros could last.
On that day, you promised yourself that you would search for a love like that. One that isn't selfish and dependent on conditions.
Through the years you searched and waited for her, the one who would give you that agape kind of love and even when after medical school you were yet to find her, you didn't lose faith.
You kept your promise to wait, until that day when you sat at the isolation centre with Mitaire, your colleague who was being treated for a virus that she contracted from a patient. As you watched her cough through the pain that racked her body, smiling weakly as she said "hazard of the occupation", you realized you had found Agape.
You really didn't find it, you chose it.
You chose it the day you took the Hippocratic oath, promising to serve as a Doctor in a country where occupational hazard fee for Doctors is less than #50,000 and Doctors sometimes perform surgical procedures with rechargeable lamps and torches.
You affirmed this love each time you place your hand on the forehead of a patient to feel their temperature, unaware of any pre-existing medical condition you may contract.
You practice the patience of Agape each time you deal with a patient feigning sickness just to get the attention of their loved ones or to escape work (malingering). You would let them think they had you fooled too by playing along with them.
You choose Agape’s kindness every time you assist women in labour as they scream in the delivery room and its gentleness on nights when you stay awake with mothers, battling to save the lives of their children.
On that day you realized that instead of holding your breath as you wait for that 'special' one, you ought to pray for her because while you'd share your life with her, she'd share you with a hundred thousand others whom you have sworn to care for.
As you watched Mitaire battle for her life, not sure what the outcome would be, not holding a grudge for the patient that infected her, you realized that Agape love isn't something to be waited on. It is a love you give even when there are no guarantees of receiving.
Agape is a life and you chose it the day you decided to care for the sick regardless of their sex, creed, beliefs and social status, or whether their condition came by error or by their recklessness.
Agape, love in its purest form you have learned, is not something to be waited on but something you rise up to, it begins with a purpose and is done on purpose.
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