Surviving Abuse, Today The Caged Bird Sings

You look at the young lady sharing her story of rape and your mind flash back to that day, many years ago.

"Kiss me." He had said the words calmly.

You stood dazed, unsure of what to do. 

As you stared at him, you could tell that he wasn't joking. You felt your palms getting warm and moist but you did not move.

He sat down, then he pulled you unto his laps. You followed like a dummy, almost as though a spell had been cast on you. 

You who would mince no words in telling any guy off, sat still on his laps, his hands groping your body. He moved from your waist to your breasts, but you cringed and he stopped. 

He waited for about thirty seconds and moved up to your shoulder.

He tried to massage your shoulders, maybe in a bid to calm your nerves but you just sat still. Then he turned your head and tried to kiss you. You were uncomfortable, your neck hurt because of your sitting position and every part of your body screamed "NO!", but you said nothing. 

You did not respond to his kisses either, but he continued and kissed you for about a minute.

Then he stopped.

As you sat on him, you could feel his erection building and your feet curled in irritation. He was breathing heavily, you could feel his heart beating fast. You wanted to tell him off, but you couldn't. You just sat still and when he tried to pull you in for another kiss, you wrigled out of his arms, shaking your head. You couldn't stand up and it was as though a force kept you down. You simply shook your head and fought back tears.

Then he turned you to himself and whispered the words he had said many times before. The words that made him earn your trust, enough to get you in a hotel room alone with him.

"You are like a daughter to me, and I always have your best interest at heart. I'll never hurt you."

You believed those words and even though his present actions negated his promises, you couldn't react.

How could you? He was the one you confided in about almost anything and even your parents had come to trust him.

You imagine what their reaction would be if you told them what just happened.

"Chief Lucky? No, he wouldn't do that."

Even your friends would ask "are you sure of what you are saying?" 

He was your hero and your faith in him had earned him the respect of the people in your life. He probably was a hero in their eyes as well.

Chief Lucky.

Those who had not met him had read about him on the news. He was an overachiever, a pioneer in the field of Engineering, a doting father and loving husband.

He was a quintessential gentleman. Refined and elegant. He spoke about everything with aplomb, from international politics to local politics, cars, sports, music, culture, dance, books, fashion, food and wine. He loved his wine and had them delivered from different parts of the world.

You still remember when he invited you on a trip to Paris. You wondered aloud what you'd be doing with him on such a trip and he had joked about wanting you to drink Champagne in Paris and to see 'high fashion, real Couture'.

You declined politely noting that you had exams coming up and he gave a half hearted laugh saying "what would be my excuse to my staff for travelling with you? I was just teasing and I'm impressed that you said no, just as I expected. Not many young ladies would say no to such an offer, I'm proud of you."

He had pulled you in for a hug that day and you suspected that he wasn't teasing but you shrugged it off.

He was someone you looked up to and he had consistently been a pillar of support from the first day you met him, a meeting you had termed as divinely orchestrated.

You had gone to his company to seek Internship placement.

As you sat at the reception waiting to see the HR officer, he walked in. He was seeing off a guest whom you later found out was the Speaker of the House of Assembly.

He glanced in your direction briefly and before you could mutter any greeting, walked out with his guest.

The HR officer later said they had accepted the maximum number of Interns for the year and politely turned down your application. As you walked out of the premises, in low spirits, you saw him again, standing at the drop off area as he waited for his driver. He asked what you wanted and you told him. He gave you his card and asked that you call later as he was in a hurry.

When you spoke that evening, he said that even if he could give you an Internship opportunity or even a job, he wouldn't, as he was a man of integrity and loved to follow due process.

He referred you to another company in the Oil and Gas sector where his friend was General Manager. He said you'd have to earn the position there as a referral was all he would give - he was a man of integrity.

You were accepted as an Intern and for one year, you learned the practical aspects of Petrochemical engineering. You also developed a relationship with Chief Lucky.

He monitored your progress, offering advice, opened you up to training opportunities and chastised you where necessary. He never gave money and you never asked but he always reminded you that you were meant to do great things and had the potential to be great.

It was the weekend your Internship ended, that he joked about taking you to Paris.

Weeks after that, after you returned to school, he called to say he had returned from his trip and was in your town for a business meeting.

You had gone to his hotel room with excitement and as usual spoke to him about everything, all that had happened since as well as your plans after school, seeking advice.

He had offered advice and called up a friend who was the General Manager of a multinational company in the Petroleum industry. He put the phone on speaker and you were excited as you heard him extol your virtues and qualities. You knew with his influence, you would easily get a job after graduation. You were in awe of him.

So minutes later when he asked you to kiss him, you were too petrified to tell him off.

As he reminded you "You are like a daughter to me, and I always have your best interest at heart. I'll never hurt you", you were not sure what to do, how to respond because you trusted him too much and never saw this coming.

As you left his hotel room, you didn't know whether to be angry but you felt desecrated and weak.

After graduation, you got a job - not in his friend's company nor through his influence, but you shared the news with him excitedly. 

As you progressed through your career, he was always on hand with advice and counsel. Everyone in your life including the men you dated, knew and respected him as your mentor. What they didn't know was that he tried to make you kiss him many times after that first day but you were never bold enough to confront him.

Sometimes you simply stayed rigid in his arms and at other times you stood up to sit away from him. But you kept going back even though you were no longer the naive young girl that sought validation and support from him. 

You kept going back even after he pleaded with you to have sex with him saying he had been 'inexplicably drawn to you' from the first day he set eyes on you. He cried so much that day, saying no woman ever made him feel so weak and you still wonder how you were able to resist him.

Years later, you sit on a Panel discussing 'Power Dynamic: Abuse In the Workplace and the Various Forms It Takes', you had been invited to share your success story and help other young women navigate a male dominated industry. 
As you listen to participants share their stories, you recall your experiences with Chief Lucky and for the first time, it dawns on you that you too have been a victim of abuse.

You recall the time he begged you to spend the night with him, you agreed because you couldn't bear to see him cry the way he did. You felt pity for him even though you knew it was wrong and you thought he was helpless. 

The next morning you were thankful that he didn't force himself on you but today you realize that he did force his will on you. You realize now that he abused the power he wielded over you, took advantage of the fact that you were hungry for success and broke the trust of a girl who held him in awe.

You had read stories of abuse and you never considered yourself a victim but sitting in this room full of women who had faced abuse in various forms took the scales off your eyes.

You too are a survivor. 

But unlike many of the women, you are still attached to your abuser. He is still in your life occupying the space of Mentor, his name is still tatooed on your heart.

As you watch the women brave enough to share their story, you realize that all along, you had been a caged bird bearing the agony of an untold story inside of you.

Today, you will tell your story! Today, you will sing! Today, you will EXHALE!