Blinded By Grace

You scan through the hall for her and your heart sinks when you do not see her.

It was your fourth time at the church and now you are beginning to think your friends are right. Maybe you are losing it. Because honestly who goes to a Church for 4 Sundays successively just to catch a glimpse of a girl?

"Is something wrong with me?" You ask, thinking out loud.

It all began four Sundays ago when you attended Steve's marriage thanksgiving service.

You were unable to attend the wedding ceremony because you had arrived town late on the day and so you had to attend the thanksgiving service that held at his wife's Church the following day.

That was when you first saw her.

She was among the ushers that stood by the door, welcoming congregants.

She had flashed a smile as she said "God bless you Sir" and then she motioned for you to follow another usher who showed you your seat.

You always thought it cheesy to be greeted with "God bless you" whenever you were at a Church but on that day it sounded different.

Maybe it was her smile or the glint in her eyes. Maybe it was the Red dress she wore, but then the other Ushers wore red dresses too. Maybe it was because you were in a good mood. Whatever it was, hearing her say those words gave them a new meaning.

You found yourself glancing at the entrance where she stood earlier and scanning the congregation throughout the service just to catch a glimpse of her.

You smiled each time you saw her and you looked away quickly the time your eyes met hers as you walked out after the service.

As you drove home you thought of her but you told yourself it was nothing. You have met countless women and soon you would forget about her.

It was when you found yourself asking Steve the next Saturday what time the service in his wife's former church started that you knew this wasn't normal.

When he asked why, you told him you had decided to go 'visit' the church again. He expressed surprise because even his wife had started attending his own church as was the custom with most people after the wedding ceremony.

He handed the phone to his wife who explained the service hours to you.

As you hung up you decided you would go for the 3rd service because that was the service you attended when you saw her last week.

As you stepped into church the next day, she wasn't at the entrance. You felt somewhat disappointed but you shrugged off the feeling as you were sure you would see her during the service. But you didn't.

You recall the Pastor preaching about Grace, the unmerited favour of God that saves even the worst of us.

"The thing about Grace is that it doesn't care about your past. No matter how ugly your past is, Grace can save you. No matter how far you have gone, Grace reaches out and hands you a clean slate."

You remember those words because you felt he was talking to you but your mind kept drifting as you scanned through the congregation for her. She was not there. As you stepped out of church at the close of service, you felt disappointed.

During the course of the week you found yourself thinking of her and you decided this wasn't cool anymore so you called Steve who had traveled with his wife for their 'honey moon' and you told him everything. He laughed as he teased you, but you told him you were not joking.

Even you were scared of the way you felt, this had never happened before.

Okay, fine you had met girls you were drawn to in the past and you went all out to get them but they were usually girls of a particular 'spec' and they were not girls who welcomed you at church.

The next Sunday you found yourself at church again. This time you attended the 2nd service and when you didn't see her, you waited for the 3rd.

The Pastor preached again about 'Grace'.

"Paul the apostle is the perfect example of how Grace can change a man. Paul was the original bad guy. He supervised the killing of Christians and destroyed churches but when Grace found him he became a new man. He was so convinced of his new nature that while addressing the church he boldly declared, I have wronged no man. Some of the women in the crowd were widows of men he had killed so imagine the effrontery in saying he had done no wrong. Grace enabled him move on from the past."

You remembered those words because again you felt as though the Pastor was talking to you. Intermittently your mind would drift to her and you would scan the congregation. She still wasn't at church.

On the 4th Sunday, you heeded the call to 'give your life to Christ' after the Pastor finished his message on Grace. He had talked about Rahab the prostitute and the woman who was caught in adultery. They both were to be stoned to death as was the custom in those days but Grace saved them.

The Choir had sang a song about Grace.

"Lord I've been broken
Although I'm not worthy
You fixed me, I'm blinded
By your Grace
You came and saved me"

You remember those lines from the song because it was as they sang the words, that you felt the overwhelming urge to just surrender. On that day you became born again.

As you drove home, you wondered if it was the desire to see her or the words that were preached that had made you attend the church for 4 Sundays successively. As you pondered on the words of the Pastor as he spoke at the reception held for New Believers after the service, you decided that it was Grace that had kept you. You knew you wanted to see her again but you also knew you had been blinded by God's Grace.

Today, 4 days after your conversion as you pulled over at the parking lot of the restaurant where you were to meet with Steve for lunch and business talk, you had only one thing on your mind. A desire to pursue a relationship with God and just live differently. You had bought some messages and listened to them for the past days in the house and as you drove in your car. You felt renewed.

You walk out of the parking lot towards the restaurant where Steve is already waiting, you have not seen him since he returned from his 'honeymoon'.

As you walk on, you ponder on the ideas you had drawn out to discuss with him. You mull over them as you climb the stairs but you are jolted to reality by the lady who almost bumps into you.

She was talking on the phone and almost missed her step, you had to hold her to steady her.

"You should pay more attention to the stairs so you don't fall."

"I'm so sorry." She responds. She seemed to have ended the call as she turned to face you.

Excitement, relief, joy and panic rush through you all at once as you recognize her. You feel your heart stop and for a minute you can't seem to find the words to say. The lady that took you back to Church is standing right in front of you and she is wearing a Red dress again.

"Hi, my name is Grace" she says as she extends her hand for a shake.

You shake hands with her but still say nothing. You managed a nod.

"I'm sorry, I almost bumped into you. I just got back to town and headed here first as I'm planning a surprise party for my Fiance. He doesn't know I'm back and I was just telling him I missed my flight. It's his birthday and his friends will bring him here to celebrate so..."

She was speaking so fast as she tried to apologize and explain why she almost bumped into you but after you heard Fiance, you barely heard any other thing she said.

All you remember is your heart racing as you spot the ring on her finger. You nod at her and walk on into the restaurant to meet Steve. 

How did you not notice a ring that first Sunday or was she not engaged then?

You know you have lost appetite. You know you may not be able to discuss business with Steve as planned. You know you just had your heart broken without even being in a relationship. 

You feel a lump in your throat and now you wonder if Grace would keep you in Church now that you know the Grace you originally desired is engaged.

As you ponder on the events of the past four Sundays, only one question lingers in your mind "Were you blinded by God's Grace or the Grace in a Red dress?"