The Need To Impress

For most of us it starts early and we indulge in it until it becomes a habit – the need to impress, to fit in and to be accepted no matter what.

Back in secondary school – I attended an all-girls boarding school – the struggle to be seen as cool was real. Some girls told blatant lies – imagine someone saying they had a refrigerator that is remote controlled and all you had to do was press a button and you would have whatever you wanted – yes I know it’s childish but she was a child who wanted acceptance and maybe reverence. Some others borrowed just to keep up appearance and fit into the clique of supposed big girls. Then when the time to buy gifts during celebrations like birthdays, graduation, Valentine’s day came, some went all out spending more than their fees to buy gifts just to be talked about. There were those that claimed to be from wealthy homes when their parents were regular folks working really hard to cater to their needs, and there were those who changed their names when they got to school just to be seen as posh (I wonder how your name makes you posh). Trust me the struggle was real.

Then I got into the University and the game was taken up a notch. There were girls who dated men they would not touch with a pole if there was no hope of financial rewards and the money gotten from their hard labour goes into what? You guessed right…clothes, shoes, hair, phones – the aim is to impress.

I still see it every day. I have a colleague that I try to not compliment because that would result in her telling me the price of everything she has on – this unsolicited information is mainly given out of the need to impress.

So many people get neck deep in debt in a bid to fund a lifestyle they ordinarily cannot afford, some spend money they do not have on ceremonies that can be done modestly, indulge their kids in lifestyles that can't be sustained and spend money they do not have – because they feel the need to impress.

I think it is human to want to look your best, live your best and be seen as successful but when this is borne out of the need to impress then it becomes a challenge.

I started by saying for most of us the need to impress starts early. Maybe as a child you only got attention and approval when you did something noteworthy and so you may think you constantly need to impress others to get accepted.

For others, they may have suffered lack for long and so when they are finally able to afford some of the things they hitherto couldn’t afford, they feel the need to let the world know they have ’arrived’ or just seek validation by flaunting what they have.

For some others it’s the pressure to fit in especially in today’s society where people portray fake lifestyles on Social Media, blogs, Magazines etal. There may be other reasons but whatever the cause is, the need to impress is oftentimes the result of a low sense of self-worth.

It is good to pamper yourself, care for yourself and celebrate your success. It is just not healthy to constantly live to impress others as you lose your sense of self and may become a selfish and narcissistic person – people may pretend to like you but may not really like you.

If you always feel the need to impress others then it could be that you are yet to ‘accept yourself as you really are’. You must take time to understand you, accept you and love you, instead of projecting the persona you think the world wants to see. Trust me you will experience greater peace.

Also you ought to learn to do things for yourself and not to gain approval. Do you, be you and be okay with it even if others are not.

There’s this joke that you can’t please everyone because you are not Jollof rice…funny but true. You really can’t please everyone because you will only wear yourself out if you try so learn to say NO, if you have to.

Lastly it’s important to note that what others think of you does not really matter so long as you are at peace with yourself. I am not asking you to be insensitive to others but you shouldn’t let their opinion determine how you live, who you love, what you do, what you eat, where you live etal.

I have had my fair share of struggles in a bid to fit in and be accepted but i have come to learn that the people you try to impress oftentimes do not matter and may not really care about you as they are busy with the challenges in their lives. Besides if have to impress someone to gain their acceptance, then you are better off without them.

So sing your song and forget about who’s listening, express yourself whether they applaud you or not, live to please God, seek his approval, Keep Company with him and you will learn to live freely.