A Lesson About Chasing Love

This October I had a plethora of weddings.

I couldn't attend any of them because I too am dealing with a new kind of marriage - work.

As I sat this evening perusing the pre-wedding photos yet another friend put up, I found myself musing about the lesson a married friend once shared with me about love.

She said "if I had known, all the times I spent trying to hold on to relationships and chasing love would have been invested in myself and career because love is not something you chase, it is something that finds you".

She added "when your person comes, you will almost slap yourself for stressing in the past because you would know that you wouldn't need to bend over backwards to please them. They just want you as you are".

She also said "Okiemute focus on you but don't build walls around your heart. Pursue your dreams not love, it will find you and when it does you will wonder why you ever stressed yourself about the people that walked away".

As I sat still going through the pictures of my friend and her Fiancé - young and in love with the promise of a future that is theirs to paint, a family to create, children to nurture and a home to fill with warmth, laughter and love, I remember my friend's words.

And I smile.

Dreams and goals are to be chased firecely but love is different. Love is not something to be chased, it is what happens to you by accident but when it comes you embrace and nurture it intentionally.

Don't go looking for love, look instead for ways to be better so you will be ready for love when it comes - because it will.

Are You Postponing Your Happiness? You Are Doing Yourself

"You love music Okiemute, you can never be sad."

I smiled as I responded, "I understand life, happiness is the only goal."

It was a colleague speaking to me days ago as I walked past him humming to the song I was listening to.

I used to postpone happiness.

I used to say when I get this and this, meet so and so, buy this and that then I would be very happy but I have realized that as I wait for that special day, special thing, special someone or special place life is passing by.

I realized this and change my goal a few years ago. 

Now all I want in life is to be happy. 

This is my goal.

It's the reason why I let go of people and things that cost me my peace of mind. It is also the reason why when I meet people who make me happy, I hold on to them.
I laugh out loud. I sing out loud. Dance when I want - whether I can dance is a matter for another day. I protect my space and avoid people with drama or who over think things. I live simply.

I look for happiness in everything no matter how things are. I no longer postpone happiness because I have learned that while it is difficult to find it in myself, it is impossible to get it from anyone or anything outside of me.

I am happy now, where I am, with what I have and I try to spread it to others like I am doing now.

There will always be one more thing to do, get or be.
There will always be a reason to not be happy you must therefore find ONE reason to be happy and hold on to it.

Most of the things stressing you now may not matter in a month's time and there is no guarantee that you will be here then - so why stress yourself over what you can't control?

Like we as Nigerians say "You think you are doing me? You are doing yourself."

Don't postpone happiness, be happy here, now and with what you have.

I Am a Sunflower. What Are You?

I am about to have breakfast this Sunday morning and while everyone else ate Moi-moi with Pap, I am having Moi-moi with Garri. 
As I unwrapped the Moi-moi unto a plate and picked up a tray on which to put the plate, I noticed it was a tray I had not used before so I made to read what was written on it.

Some trays have really beautiful inscriptions on them. Examples of some I have read are 'the best thing in life is TEA' - I love tea so I love this phrase, I also like 'Have a Slice, Life is nice' but this has to be the most beautiful inscription I have read on a tray.

It goes 'What's your favorite Flower?
SUNFLOWER: In the morning, the sun is in one part of the sky. In the afternoon, it is in another part. Did you already know this? It is called Sunflower. A Sunflower faces the sun all the time'.

Dang!

The last sentence got to me 'A Sunflower faces the sun all the time.'

The Sunflower knows that the sun moves from one part of the sky to another and when the sun moves from one part, darkness will come but it doesn't stress about the darkness. It simply moves to faces the sun - EVERY TIME.

The Sunflower knows dark days will come but only faces the bright side of life and sees only possibilities no matter what. The Sunflower doesn't deny the fact that there are challenges, it does not pretend during tough times. It just doesn't concern itself with the negativity around it, it chooses instead to focus on the source of light - the Sun.

I am a Sunflower.

I am the one that sees only possibilities and positivity. I am the one that never gets weighed down by what happens around, I am the one that faces the light no matter how dark it is around me. I am the one that smiles when I hear bad news and says 'it will work out for good' and it always does.
I am the one who finds ways to be cheerful regardless, I am the one that thinks life is a gift too precious to be wasted on trivialities.

I am the one that turns up my praise in the midst of life's challenges.

I am the one that goes on her knees and lifts up her hands to say 'Lord I can't do this life by myself as I always mess up, help me' and trusts that he cares enough to clean up my mess and help me.

I am a Sunflower.

What is your favorite flower? What are you?

Today, Have This Honest Conversation With Yourself

Do you desperately seek a change in your life? Do you want things to happen differently for you? Does your relationship with people always follow a certain pattern?

Then maybe you should change certain things about yourself.

I am currently listening to Michael Jackson's 'Man In the Mirror' where he sings "I am gonna make a change for once in my life...I am starting with the man in the mirror, I am asking him to change his ways. If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at yourself and then make a change." 

These words are soulful, powerful and ring true. True because real change starts from within. True because sometimes the only way to make things right is to change yourself - priorities, values, habits, you.

It's as Albert Einstein said "insanity is doing things the same way and expecting a different result."

I have lived and learned enough to realize that sometimes it is me and not people that need to change.
My perspective, mentality, priorities, habits, character.
The best way to make this change is to consider the pattern things take for you, weigh them against your perspective of the world and people and see what you can do differently.
Try living and thinking differently, try being less selfish and egotistical, try being more humane but do not lose yourself in the process.

Do not become a 'Yes man' or 'People pleaser' in the process, do not be a 'door mat', be less egocentric but retain your authentic self, your self respect. 

Wouldn't it be great for people to see a new side to you?
A more loving, less critical, more accommodating and better human being? Wouldn't it be nice for people to envy those who are in your life as they imagine the joy they experience with you? Starting today begin a new relationship with yourself and see how it affects your relationship with others.

I constantly evaluate and reevaluate myself and it helps me see where I can be better as I have realized that life is a process of becoming and unbecoming.
I have committed to become more loving, patient, kind, gentle, faithful, forgiving - better while holding on to my values and retaining myself.

Today again, I'm starting with the Woman in the mirror, I'll have a conversation with her because no message can be clearer than the one I tell myself.

I'll make that change, one day at a time, one mistake at a time, one lesson at a time and I hope you do too.

Today She Is The Bride

Today she is the bride.

Today my friend of many years with whom I've laughed and cried is getting married to the love of her life.

Today in the presence of God, family and friends she will commit to love him faithfully come what may.

Today she will promise him that he has her heart for all of time.

Today they will vow to keep each other safe for all of their lives.

Today they will take a pledge to face the world together and I can't be there because I'm hundreds of miles away.

Today I wouldn't see my friend walk down the aisle even though we prayed and planned for this day.

Today I look back on the day I designed the dress I would wear, the dress that now sits in my box.

Today also, I remember the days we both prayed for growth.

God answered and today I am reminded that sometimes when God answers a prayer the outcome may not be convenient but it always works out for good.

Today I learn about trust. Trusting a God who seem to change your plans in response to your request.

Today I remind myself though that what seems like a change in plans is God realigning our lives for the best - we just need to trust and obey.

Today I learn that sometimes when God wants to work in us, he separates us from everyone and everything familiar so he can do what only he is capable of doing.

Today I understand that when God intervenes it may cause us discomfort but that temporary discomfort births a super comfy reality.

Today as my friend transits through being a BRIDE to being a WIFE, I stay content that though I wouldn't be there to celebrate with her I'll witness anniversaries, baby dedications and many other joyous occasions.

Today I am thankful that God heard our prayers and I am learning about faith, love and hope as I commit my future to God, again.

Be Unforgettable, The World Is Watching!

"You are so pretty!" She seemed to be squealing and I smiled as I mouthed 'Thank you'.
She was heading for her car with a friend and they were both smiling but I had been too caught up in my thoughts to have noticed her.

There's something about being complimented by another Woman, I always take it to heart because I think we really mean it when we call another Woman beautiful.

As I walked on towards the office I thought about how sometimes we get caught up with living and are oblivious of the people around us, but they see us. 

This experience and another one I will share made me conscious of the fact that whether you know it or not, the world is watching.

This past weekend, I attended a Media Chat a former Vice President had with Members of the Press, Politicians and Members of his party. I arrived in time and took my seat away from the carefully selected crowd. I sat where I would be comfortable to walk out for interviews.
The session was about to begin and I sat minding my business, having switched to work mode and was turning off my phone when I felt a tap on my shoulder, it was the man sitting close to me.

"They are calling you" he said.
I raised my head to see a couple of people beckoning on me to move from my seat.
"Me?" I asked touching my chest and they nodded.
I looked away but was tapped again - this time almost everyone in the hall was looking at me.
Apparently the organisers noticed that a seat on the third row was vacant and they thought I should fill it.
"Why me?" I scanned the faces of those looking at me, they were seated closer to the front row and would easily have moved but it seemed a vote had been taken and I had emerged 'winner' so I heaved, got up, wore a wry smile and moved from my seat - I had to shuffle through to the new seat.

As soon as I sat down, the guys on both sides mouthed "your face will be good for the camera". I muttered inaudibly under my breath rolling my eyes.

After the event I stood scanning the crowd for a colleague I was to work with for my report when I heard a voice from behind.
"You are really shy" he said. I turned around to see an unfamiliar face, he had obviously noticed me too. I smiled as I asked, 'Why did you say that?'
"Its obvious and I'm sure everyone noticed." He said and added "But you are on TV so how do you explain being shy?"
'Oh well, when it's about work, I do it with heart.' I replied.
He laughed and we chatted for a few minutes before I moved on.
As I moved on, the smiles from some people proved that they really did notice me.

I notice people too everyday who may not see me and whether you know it or not, its the same thing for you - the world sees you.

So as you step out daily, be conscious of this fact and carry yourself with dignity.

Walk tall, dress well, sit well, hold your head up, the world is watching and it's up to you to make yourself unforgettable.

I Tried Cauliflower & Broccoli Salad And Now I Understand Self-Love

I almost cried as I ate.

I never knew the time between chewing and swallowing could be so long. I wanted to stop but as I looked at the plate in front of me, I considered the money I spent on the meal and I forced myself to continue eating. I didn't like it but I couldn't let my money go to waste.

All I could think of was "who send me, why didn't I just buy something familiar?"
I was trying to channel my inner vegetarian but I have realized that it wasn't a wise decision, maybe there is nothing vegetarian about me.

I swallowed hard, again.

Have you ever spent your money on food you have not eaten before and ended up not liking it? Or maybe ordered an unfamiliar meal at a restaurant?

If you have then you'll understand how I felt.

I recall eating once from a friend's plate of 'Chicken and Mushroom Corn Soup' or something that sounded like that. As soon as the 'soup' that looked like Pap touched my tongue, I spat it out. If I had swallowed I would have vomited and that would have been the real embarrassment.

'Wetin be this?' Was all I could say, I didn't care that I was being laughed at.
I rinsed my mouth severally and graciously stuck with Rice and Chicken.

So how did I get there again, spending my money on food I should have left alone?

I had tried on a dress I haven't worn in 2 years and when I saw my stomach, I decided it was time to shed a little belly fat. It was the decision to cut down on Carbs and lose the belly fat that made me order a plate of 'Broccoli and Cauliflower Salad with peas and some other things I do not know.'

It sounded so sophisticated and I liked the idea of saying I had 'Broccoli and Cauliflower Salad with a mixture of other Vegetables for lunch'.
It was to serve as dessert after a meal of what was called 'Sea food fried Rice', the Sea food was the attraction for me as I thought it was good for my weight loss. If I had known I wouldn't have finished the Rice before eating the Salad. It would have been easier to eat both together.

As I continued eating I reminded myself to always stick with the familiar and if that means a little belly pouch then maybe I'll pick 'Self love' over 'Weight loss' - don't judge me please.

I finally finished the Salad and heaved a sigh as I realized that nothing really is impossible if you put your mind to it.

When You Get Here, Then Maybe It Is Love

There is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear, this is what John the disciple Jesus loved said about love (1 John 4:18).

Paul the great Apostle wrote that love is patient, kind, endures all things and never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).

This is true about love.

I had a conversation yesterday with an acquaintance, who was gushing about a love interest.

In response to her claims to being in love with the object of her affection, I told her not use the word love.

I told her "you may say you feel a strong attraction, admiration or even infatuation but not love. Until you love, you cannot love."

The truth is that until you reach a point where you know there is nothing you wouldn't forgive a person, you can't say you love them.

Love liberates, it leaves no room for pretense. Love chooses you in all your forms - sweet, sour, bitter, bland.

It covers a multitude of sin and never fails but it isn't an excuse to act irresponsibly - it does not rejoice in evil (1 Corinthians 13).

Love is not blind. It sees and decides to stay.

Love satisfies completely and gives a calm assurance. 

It is a place of rest, safety and recreation.

Love stays even when likeness is gone and until it is tested, it can't be said to be love.

Love pushes you to be the best version of you and lifts you up when you fall. It doesn't expect perfection.

When the butterflies in your tummy is replaced with a sick feeling in your stomach and you still stay, then it is love.

When you feel so embarrassed by their actions and still choose them, then it is love.

When you can look them in the eye and say "you messed up and I'm disappointed, so much that I don't know if I can handle it" and you still stay, then it is love.

When you decide to never ever give them another chance in the heat of anger and find your way home when you cool down, then it is love.

When you sit in a room full of people and smile when your eyes catches theirs from across the room, then it is love.

When everyone throws a stone at them for their action but you push through the crowd, stoop down, scoop them up and say "I'll take responsibility", then it is love.

When you find out that like most people they too have their skeletons and help them clean up but still stay, then it is love.

When you find yourself thinking of them as you read this, then maybe it is love.

Love grows from life's lessons and says "we may not have it all together but together we have it all".

Love says even through your darkest days, I'll never change cos I want to see this through therefore I'll stand by you.

Love is both a journey and a destination.

You may not get here in one day, heck it may take years but until you are certain you will stay when you get there, don't use the word love - I wouldn't too because until it is love, it can't be love.

In October Drink Tea For You Will Have New Companions

I write this specially for you.

It is the first day of the month of October, and the beginning of the last quarter of the year. You may have made plans at the beginning of the year which are yet to materialize. You may be unhappy and despondent because you are unsure what the future holds. You may have given up because every step you took seem to have failed. You may be at your lowest moment...you may be feeling hopeless. 

Whatever it is you feel, no matter how bad things are, do not give up - yet.

Just try a little harder, push a little more, pray once again believing that God is able. I have seen God work, I have seen him show up and make ways when it seem like it's over and I have learned that he is a God that specializes in doing the impossible.

He is also a God that steps in when you unashamedly admit that you can't help yourself.

It is said that in a man's darkest moment even his shadow leaves him but today I speak newness to you.

In October you will have new companions.

In this month and for the rest of this year only goodness, mercy and grace will follow you.

Even when you deserve condemnation, mercy will prevail.

God will defend, protect and guide you.

In October you will have reasons to shout for joy.

Your path will shine brighter and your cup will overflow. God CANNOT fail and will not begin with you.

Just trust, obey, keep speaking life, relax and watch him surprise you - while at it drink some tea.

The Biggest Cell In The World - You May Be In It

Do you know you may be in chains without even knowing?

So many people are in what I'll call the biggest cell in the world. We are prisoners even though we seem to walk freely. We are held in chains and unable to pursue our dreams or just live because we fear what people may say. We are prisoners of other people's opinions and insecurities.

This I think is the worst place to be in.

Let me state here that I'm not saying we should be insensitive and live thoughtlessly, we just shouldn't always bother about what others will say especially when we are sure we are doing right.

I met a lady once who said she liked a dress I wore but wouldn't wear it to work like I did because she didn't want people thinking she was showing off. I thought it was ridiculous that she would dress down because she feared what others might think. I know there is ostenstation but in my opinion she is living in the Cell of other people's opinion.

I have met people who wouldn't drive their cars because they didn't want others thinking they had money. Why buy the car if you wouldn't drive it?

Then there was the Mum who didn't want her child showing off so as not to intimidate her Sister's children - she said she didn't want her Sister to feel bad. I thought she was teaching her child timidity just to make her Sister feel good.

I recall also during my service year when I attended a training on Broadcasting. When we were taught phonetics, I excitedly started putting to practice what I had learned but some of my class mates at the time thought it may make people feel uncomfortable around me - some even jeered. Did I start the training program for the comfort of others? Isn't training supposed to distinguish me? After a while, I was given responsibilities while some of them were still trying to get their act together.

You may think you have the perfect excuse for doing or not doing certain things when in reality you are living in the cell of other people's opinion.

Do not let the fear of what people think or say hold you back. Do not be the obstacle in your way. Do not be the person that limits you. Do what you love, follow your dreams, be friends with people who are good for your soul.
You will either win or learn and either way you will live knowing you did it for you.

People pleasing will leave you miserable because you can't ever really please people.

If you think you are in the cell of other people's opinion, get out and live for you - you will gain confidence and fall in love with yourself as you do.