Do It For You

‘You must be careful of your expectations and be sure they are realistic as you may be hurt if the other person’s actions doesn’t match your expectations’, I said.

“Of course, that’s why you must do it only because you want to”, Pere retorted.

‘Just do it for you, because you want to and not because you want it to sway his opinion of you’, I added.

“Yes, you get it”, he responded as we continued our conversation.

We were having a conversation that was turning into a debate of some sort. It was about relationships, sex and love.

We had all read an article by a colleague that depicted a passionate lovemaking session between a couple and I commended his sense of imagination and his ability to paint a scene that was almost tangible.

But Ijeoma exclaimed that it was a perfect description of what she envisaged and craved as it seemed like what could only happen between a couple in love. To her, great sex meant perfect love.

But Pere thought she was setting herself up for series of hurt and heartbreaks if she assumed a man loved her by how good sex is between them.

That was the genesis of our conversation cum debate on if the quality of sex is a determinant of love between a couple.

Some thought great sex equated great love, others thought it was possible to have great sex without love, some others thought the issue of the quality of sex in a relationship should be kept personal and others thought each participant should seek to enjoy the experience.

That was when I spoke up about expectations and how they can set us up for hurt and heartbreak.

This is not to say that we shouldn’t have expectations especially in relationships but that in spite of them we should seek to just enjoy the journey.

We should make sacrifices because we want to and not because we expect that it will make a person love us or stick with us.

You are only responsible for how you behave and can never really control how others will behave or act as such you may make sacrifices in hopes that they return the favour but that may never happen and as unfair as it may seem, it is the way with humans. They will do what they will.

So before you give in to demands or expend time and emotions in a relationship be sure that it is because you seek to make the other person happy and that it is what you want and not because you think it will make them indebted to you.

There are no guarantees that your favour will be returned so whatever you do, do it for you.