Becoming More Than Beautiful.

Have you ever looked at your body and wished you could change it or some parts of it? Do you wish you could afford a surgery to look perfect?

What is your idea of PERFECT? Is it the idea sold to you by society of how you should look? If you do get to do have your 'perfect' look, would it make you happy?

It's as Beyonce sang in Pretty Hurts, "we shine the light on whatever's worst but what we can't see is the soul that needs a surgery".

It's your mind that needs to be told that beautiful is not what the media feeds you.

Beauty isn't bought or built and it doesn't look a certain way. It is diverse and that's why it is said to be 'in the eyes of the beholder'. It's up to you to behold your beauty when you look in the mirror.

So, when was the last time you beheld your beauty?
Also, when you think of beauty do you see you? Or pictures of clothes, jewelry, shoes, bags, make-up and accessories? As much as these are important they are mere accessories and are not the determinant of your beauty. They exist for you and would be useless without you but you are good as you are and are complete without them.

One truth about beauty is that it doesn't guarantee happiness and that's why some people end doing so many surgeries in search of 'perfection'  when what they really want is to 'feel good' about themselves.

This feel good feeling which really is 'happiness' sadly can't be bought through surgery nor attained through filtered pictures.

It is the result of accepting you as you are. It is knowing you are beautiful and this beauty isn't dependent on how you feel, what you have or what others say. You only need to be aware of this fact so you can live freely and confidently else you could 'alter' your body with surgery and filter your pictures all you want and still feel empty when you are by yourself.

Take a few minutes daily to remind yourself that you are beautiful, say those words to yourself till they become entrenched in your mind.

Say it so much that even when you have no make-up on, your hair isn’t made and your dress is ill-fitting, you still feel beautiful. Say it till you become content with yourself and the opinion of others no longer matter. Say it because even if others do, it would never matter until you do.
Say it because it is true.

Do not wait till someone else appreciates you to appreciate yourself. Do not wait till someone calls you beautiful to feel beautiful but beyond being beautiful, strive to be intelligent, compassionate, loving, honest, courageous and amazing.

Own your flaws because they are proof of your imperfection, be aware of and accept your beauty because that’s the beginning of love but most importantly remember that beauty doesn't guarantee happiness and sometimes it is the soul that needs a surgery.

Lessons I Have Learned In Life

Life is a process of becoming and un-becoming.

Our experiences daily sometimes help us become all we ought to be and sometimes help un-become everything we are not so we can become all we are meant to be.

Every experience serves a purpose and that is to teach us to do, act, speak or simply be better.

They are to serve as lessons to us.

I have had my fair share of lessons in life one of which is that no one is perfect. I am a bundle of imperfections and the best I can do is recognize my flaws and see how I can be better. I have made mistakes, said things I regretted and erred because the truth is I was not made to be perfect.

Another lesson I have learned is that everyone deserves grace when they err. I will err and I deserve to be accorded the grace to do better next time I must therefore accord others grace when they err.

I have made my fair share of mistakes some of which I could have avoided but another lesson I have learned is that every event whether good or bad is a learning experience. This is not to say we should willfully do what we ought not to do but when that happens, we should learn from it and move on.

Another lesson I have learned is that ‘the only person I have control over is me’ because people will do what they will, say what they will but how I respond is what matters.

I have learned also that people forget as easily as they remember. People tend to easily forget the good you did to them but will easily remember all your wrongs and there is nothing you can do about it.

I have learned that people may forgive but they never forget and may bring up a past mistake to get even or prove a point either intentionally or not.

I have learned more importantly though that because no one is capable of perfection and because everyone will err at some point the only one I can count on is God.

He alone is perfect, will not err and will forgive and forget.

I have learned that if we let God he restores us piece by piece and that there is nothing too dirty for him to make clean.

I have learned that life is a process of learning and that there are still many lessons to be learned.

Welcome To August!

Love is God ensuring your name is on the wake-up list and leading you into a new month.

Have you said thank you to him today?

Blessings and grace to you in this month of August.

Happy New Month!

I Came Face To Face With Fear

Thieves broke into my house and there are certain things I now know about fear.
Fear is a Spirit.
It lurks around our neighbourhood but we would never really know it until we come face to face with it.
Fear opens you up to the reality that 'life na per head' and if fear visits you it could mess you up so much that even in the midst of people you feel alone and very afraid.
You can never really call yourself bold until you have come face to face with fear and survived.

I still recall the feeling of blood rushing to my head, my heart beating fast and my feet feeling cold when it gets dark.

There is paranoia too.

I would wake up at night and rush to my kitchen to grab a knife for self defence only to run back to my room to find my friend sleeping soundly on the bed.
I always forgot that I was not alone in the house, my friend had come to stay with me till I was strong enough to be alone yet I felt alone. I would wake up at midnight and stay awake till 4:30am.
I was getting less than two hours sleep and still had work to deal with.

When night came fear would lurk eyes with me daring me to sleep. Peace had fled in the presence of fear, those two can never live together.

It was crazy - I was going crazy.

I had to move to my friend's house cos I almost died the night I tried to sleep alone.
I was awake from 11pm till 6pm too scared to sleep and I realized I had not healed.

Let me state here that I'm the girl that was never afraid.
I could walk the most lonely road at midnight without the fear of being attacked.

I once was attacked in 2016 by seven armed men dressed in Army uniforms and face mask. They had jumped into my compound at past 1am and I was alone in a compound that had 6 apartments.
It was newly built and I was the first to move in. The house before mine was uncompleted and the one after was just at the foundation stage.

I was alone but I faced them confident that God would not let them harm me.
After the incident I stayed with friends for a few days because my Mum thought it was unsafe to be alone but I went home and continued living in my house until my neighbours moved in.

I always said to myself that the fear files have been deleted.

That was until I came face to face with fear again - this time I was ill prepared.

No wonder the Bible says in Proverbs 24:10 that "if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small".
I fainted not because I didn't have strength but because my strength was SMALL.

It all started when thieves broke into my house a few weeks ago.
Not my compound - my house.
I had woken up after I dreamt that someone was trying to break into my house. I stayed awake, praying and worshipping for 2 hours then I dozed off for a few minutes and woke up again to see light in my kitchen.
I got up immediately grabbed my phones as I asked  'Who is there'? - like I expected the thieves to introduce themselves.
That was when I saw them, two boys rushing towards me, I began to scream for help and ran out fast to open my front door.
They had broken in through the back door but couldn't harm me or steal anything because God kept me awake.
They left but fear stayed back robbing me of sleep and peace.
Now everyone says I am dealing with the trauma and I nod in affirmation but deep in my heart I know 'TRAUMA' is just an English word that describes the smallness of my strength and my lack of Faith in a God never sleeps and always protects his own.

I am learning though to build my strength by renewing my mind. I am reading books, listening to messages and studying the word.
I cannot fully say I'm good to sleep alone yet heck the sound of the wind rustling startles me and blood rushes to my head when night comes but I'll keep working on my mind.

I came face to face with fear and learned that it is not just a feeling that can be shaken off but a Spirit that can only be overpowered by another Spirit. No wonder the Bible assures us that we have been given the Spirit of power, love and a sound mind in place of fear.
I came face to face with fear and I have chosen to rise and not bow.

July Is Here, Happy New Month!

So you have made it through six months already.

Whew!
It seemed only like yesterday when we said Happy New Year but 181 days have gone by.

We have been ushered into the second half of the year and if you are like me you are probably reviewing your goals for 2017.

As you work towards achieving your goals stay optimistic, stay grateful, stay in the fight, stay true to yourself, love hard, love yourself, stay prayed up and make great memories.

Let everything that has breath praise the Lord...Welcome to July!

Be That Street Sweeper

“This woman can sweep o, she’s so serious”. Ada’s voice jolted me to reality and I turned to look at the woman she was referring to.

The woman was bent down sweeping with so much vigour and one would think she was expecting to see gold on the sidewalk of the tarred road she was sweeping.

“Ha she can really sweep o, see the attention she is paying to the road” I retorted.

We both stood watching the woman and then I muttered out loud “sweep so well that even the angels will notice, even Ada now has noticed”, I was recalling the quote by Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.

Do you know the quote”? I asked Ada and she shook her head in the negative all the while watching the woman who seemed not to notice us or the people walking hurriedly past her in different directions.

We were waiting for the driver that had gone in search of change for us.

“Imagine this man o, I asked him if he had change and he was nodding now he’s keeping us and time is going” it was Ada speaking and I responded “you clearly tried to avoid this o, I mean you asked him 3 times abi’?

“Ehen na” She sighed. 

We were on our way to work and were running late.

I turned again to look at the woman who swept like she was competing for an award. I spoke up again “she is sweeping as if people will not walk on the road again when in fact it will be sandy in a few minutes”.

Ada laughed and as we spoke the driver came with the money and we continued our journey to work but through the journey I kept muttering the lines from Martin Luther’s quote to myself “sweep so well that even the angels will notice”.

Isn’t that how we should do things and execute tasks? Shouldn’t we like that woman work with passion and the consciousness that our role no matter how small is important?

Whatever your work do it with love or leave it but if you cannot leave it then love it and give it your best.

Your work is only as inconsequential and unimportant as you see it and make it to be.

You are part of a system that would not function well without your full participation and as Rev. Martin Luther King said “If you are called to be a street sweeper, you should sweep streets even as a Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music or Shakespeare wrote poetry. You should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, 'Here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

TAILOR-MADE LOVE

“Oga please bring my cloth o, I don’t want you to sew them again. Haba for three months, is that not wickedness”?

“Madam wait let me explain...”

“Explain what? You always have an explanation, just bring the fabric for me”.

“So you have been ignoring my calls but called back when I used another number”.

I ended the call in anger, no it was frustration – I was frustrated at that time.

Have you ever loved someone and hated them at the same time? One minute you want them and the next you want nothing to do with them. Know the feeling? Ever been in a relationship like that? This is the relationship I have with my tailor. I am angry with him today but tomorrow when he delivers my clothes I forgive him and give him more fabric to make more clothes.

If you have dealt with tailors before then you will understand this kind of relationship.

I told myself that I was done with him – for good. This is not the first time I would be making this decision but I tried to mean it this time.

I turned to my friend sitting by me and expressed my frustration. “What kind of nonsense is this? Since March o and now this is June, will I have to beg for my own clothes when he is not making it for free?”

He tried to calm me down.

I was angry because I had tried to call my tailor about the clothes but he ignored my calls and then when I tried to call with another number he picked up and even called back after I ended the call. That was all I needed to know that he intentionally ignored my calls.

He called me again afterwards but I ignored and then he sends a message that he would deliver my clothes the next week.

I was seething with anger and promised myself that I would never deal with him again.

The next week comes and he brings my clothes – very well made and as I held them in my hands all the anger I felt seemed to fly out of the window.

He apologized as I looked lovingly at the clothes but I paid little attention to him.

I finally put down my clothes and expressed my displeasure at the delay in delivery.

Then he dropped the bomb, “Madam I will be relocating to Lagos o, in fact by next month I will be gone”.

Say what? I tried to control my surprise as I asked him why. He explained and I tried to encourage him to go ahead…”sometimes God makes us uncomfortable just to push us to something better, just make sure you pray about it”.

Before he left I brought other fabrics I had been keeping and we picked styles for them.

As he left I thought about the stress of finding a new good tailor...choi! Minutes ago I wanted nothing to do with him and now I didn't want him to leave.

I hope he delivers before he leaves for Lagos because that would mean another round of arguments that would again result in me vowing not to work with him and when he delivers my clothes, I would change my mind and the cycle will continue.

Oh well…I guess there will always be that one person you hate to love and love to hate. You vow not to communicate with them when they offend you but like a deer panting for water, you find yourself going back again.

Ever had a love like that?

For me it’s my tailor…I guess ours is a love that’s been ‘tailor-made’ just for us.

Who Send Me - My Jasmine Jollof Experience

I like to play safe. I find what works for me and stick with it.

I wear pink or red lipstick only, eat what I know or seems familiar at restaurants, wear colours that I’m comfortable with and generally don’t take too many risks - I simply try tom avoid stories that touch.
I used to think it was boring but recently I had an experience that made me resolve to always stick with the familiar.


I had gone to the city mall to buy groceries, toiletries, food stuff and on my list was rice. I couldn't get the brand I am used to at the mall so I proceeded to another Supermarket in hopes that I would get the 'familiar' brand.
I went to the supermarket in search of Rice but couldn't also find the brand I wanted so I opted for a name that seemed familiar too. What I failed to see or simply missed because I didn't pay attention was the part that read 'Perfumed Thai Jasmine' Rice.
Had I known I would have gone to the open market instead...sigh!

When I got the cash point and the teller told me the price of the rice it was double what I was used to paying for 5kg of Rice and I quickly snatched it from her hand. I took a proper look at the bag again to be sure it was the same rice I was being billed for but because each time I go to the market the price of things seem to have doubled - no thanks to the recession, I grudgingly paid.
I packed the Rice with the other items I bought and headed home.
Let me mention here that I like Rice and can eat Rice for breakfast, lunch and dinner so maybe love is a more apt word.

I LOVE RICE!

I got home, arranged everything I got and as I poured my Rice in my Rice bucket I noticed that the colour was unusually white but I thought it didn't matter so I shrugged it off.
Then morning came and I set out to cook Jollof Rice which was to serve as lunch at work.
When I first parboiled it I saw it was unusually starchy and very white – why should rice be so white?
 
At that point I decided to Google 'Jasmine rice' - that was when I realized there was more to 'Perfumed Thai Jasmine' rice than I thought - who send me?
It was really different from regular parboiled rice and looked sticky even in pictures where it was served with chop sticks. Why didn’t I ask at the store before paying? Maybe that’s why it was double the price I usually pay.
I reduced the amount of water I used in cooking it but that didn't help matters as my coveted Jollof Rice came out super sticky with a funny scent – did I mention that it was ‘perfumed’ Jasmine rice?
I packed lunch all the same for my friend and me. When it was time to eat I warned her that the rice was 'special' and unlike regular rice.
After 2 spoons she remarked that the rice was sticky and tasted funny.
'Babe this rice is meant to be sweet o, you prepared it well but this your special rice is not good for Jollof' she said.
I reminded her that it was special but after she complained again, I had to open up to her that it was 'Jasmine' rice and I had no idea it would turn out the way it did.
“Which one is Jasmine rice again? You mean Basmati?” She asked again.
“Babe it’s Jasmine o, never even heard of it before but let's just try to eat it for my sake so the food wouldn't go to waste”.
For where, we couldn't o. After several spoons we dumped my 'special' rice.
When I got home I packed the ‘Perfumed Jasmine’ rice in a bag.
I headed out to buy rice again and when I saw perfumed on some bags I didn’t even wait to see if it was Jasmine or Jazzman, I ran fast. Who wants to pay double for what they wouldn’t eat?
I finally got my regular white rice and now I am looking for anyone that wants Jasmine rice. If you want kindly let me know – it’s yours.

I have learned my lesson and next time I’ll stick with what I know.

If Only You Would Just Read This

I watched as she battled with the door trying to open it. She pushed, pulled, hit herself against it and looked around for anyone to help her. I made to get up to go help her but sat back again.
She pulled again and pushed but the door wouldn't give way.

I was seated in the office conference room in a broadcast training session with other colleagues and as I watched the lady struggle to open the door, my mind wandered.
I thought about the countless times my boss had complained about guests who almost damage that particular door because they are unaware that it is automated.
It is the door that leads to the live studios as such guests who come in for interviews or programmes have to pass through that door but it is always a challenge.

So after deliberations and upon his recommendation, I personally typed and printed the instruction on the door still that hasn't stopped people from trying to damage the door - because they simply wouldn't pause to read.

I watched the lady keenly hoping she would see the instruction clearly posted on the door on how to open it.
She searched frantically with her eyes again for anyone to help her and just as I made to stand up and walk up to her, I saw her eyes focused on the instruction posted on the door "PRESS THE WHITE SWITCH TO OPEN THE DOOR".
The white switch that she needed for the door to be opened was just by the side of the door.

She pressed it and the door opened.

Then I sat back again.
It is the thing said about the African that "if you want to hide something from a black man, put it in a book".
Times are fast changing though and so is the stereotype about Africans and reading but a large number of people still do not read even the simplest instructions.

Sometimes the answer to the challenge we face is staring us right in the face but we don't see because we do not read.
Knowledge is power and this statement is corroborated by the verse of scripture that says "my people are destroyed from a lack of knowledge" - Hosea 4:6.

Think of the many mistakes you could have avoided if you had simply opened your eyes to read.
Some people even fill out forms and sign documents without reading the instructions written.
Think of the many opportunities you may have lost because you simply didn't stop to read.

The ability to read in my opinion is one of the greatest skills anyone can have but that skill would only be meaningful when put to use.

So pick a book today and take time to read signs and instructions as often as possible.

Who knows what door reading will open for you like it did for the lady in my office? As Rachel Anders said "the journey of a lifetime begins with the turning of a page".

Dear Mama, Happy Mother's Day

"This tiny thing what does she know, Madam Common Entrance Examination is not for babies and sucklings".

"Oga it's your son that's a suckling. Forget her size, my daughter will beat your son anyday in any exam".

That was Mummy speaking in my defense.

It was a Saturday morning in 1998, the day of the Common Entrance Examination for Primary School students. We were at Urhobo College in Effurun, Delta State the venue of the exam and there were hundreds of students from different Primary schools, some of whom were accompanied by their parents.

We were waiting to be ushered into the exam hall and I sat by Mummy alongside other parents in a sheltered space on the school's premises.
As we waited, parents conversed about different issues and that was when a certain Father who had brought his son for  the exams sighted me sitting by Mummy. He was a popular TV Presenter and wanted to know if I was writing or if I accompanied my brother who was also writing on that day and when Mummy told him I was writing he scoffed and told her to let me stay home as the exams wasn't for babies.

Mummy isn't one to take issues about her children lying low and she shushed everyone who thought they had an opinion about my ability to pass the exam.

I wouldn't blame them though. I was barely 8 years old, in Primary 4 and was small, tiny in fact but Mummy always reminded me that my size wasn't the determinant of my abilities. "You are a Queen with a strong Spirit", she would say.

We wrote the Common Entrance Examination and I was the second best from my school, defeating even the Primary 6 students.

On the day I was to write the entrance examination for the Secondary school I was to attend - Fieldcrest International High School, the Vice Principal who was Mummy's customer (she sold fabrics) called her aside and advised her to let only my brother write as I was too young and wouldn't scale through the Exam and rigorous Interview process.

Mummy responded that if my brother could write then nothing would stop me, "just try her and see" she said with a smile.
I wrote the exams and after the Interview with the Principal and other staff, I was carried and cheered by the staff to the reception area where parents and other candidates were waiting. Everyone wanted to know whose daughter I was - I still see the glow on Mummy's face as she sang my praises.

At times when Mummy had to choose between a son or daughter for any task or event, she picked the more qualified person and always reminded us that male or female we all had equal abilities and when I would go report any of my siblings to her after a squabble she would remind me (anyone of us in fact) that an outsider wouldn't offend me like my siblings would, only those we love can really hurt us.

It's Mother's day today and Mama is still dishing advise and cheering me on to great things. I think of you Queen Igho Imonirhua and I know I can never really repay you for always putting my love on top.

As I always say, I owe you success and the best Son In-law.

I hope to be the kind of Mummy you are to my children.

I love you Mama, Happy Mother's Day!