Superstitious Beliefs, It May Affect You More Than You May Know

Growing up I heard a lot of superstitious claims. They were in my head and restrained me sometimes from certain actions.

I was told that whistling at night attracted evil spirits and I stayed away from whistling at anytime of the day - I guess that's why people laugh when I try to whistle, I end up making a funny sound instead.
I was told that killing a Wall Gecko would make me lose my ability to hold urine and cause me to urinate without restraint. This made us (my siblings and I) revere those creatures that adorn the walls of most homes - I still wonder how they find their way in.
I was told not to walk over the leg of a pregnant woman when she sits as that would make me pregnant - I knew nothing about unprotected sex so every pregnant woman was seen as a suspect, I stayed away.
I was told that kicking my left foot against a stone was bad omen as such each time it happened, I found myself praying against evil - now I know better.
And when my milk tooth pulled out, I was told to throw it on the roof to prevent chickens from eating them because if they did, my tooth (the permanent ones) would never grow again.

I have heard a lot of superstitious claims and believed some of them - but as I grew older and acquired knowledge I learned to do away with them.

I still hear certain claims and sometimes I laugh but today I had an experience that made me question some of these beliefs we call superstitious.

I was having a conversation with colleagues about work when all of a sudden one of us exclaimed. As we heard the exclamation, we all turned to him wondering why he exclaimed and he stated that a Wall Gecko had fallen on the Laptop computer of another colleague who had left his desk to sit with us.
Immediately the Laptop owner ran to his desk as everyone exclaimed, teasing him that the Wall Gecko falling was a sign that someone is pregnant for him - he is married so everyone assumed his wife would be pregnant.
I looked at them in disbelief as they - all of them - seemed so sure of their claim.
I turned to look at the Laptop owner who had a pensive look and was obviously deep in thought. 

'Are you seriously taking this to heart? You really believe this pregnancy talk?' I asked.

"Of course" he said and went on to share tales of friends who found out they had impregnated women after Wall Geckos fell on them.
He stated too that it had happened to him in the past.

"Okiemute it always works, a girl always comes days after Wall Geckos had fallen on my guys to claim she is pregnant for them and it always turned out to be true" he added.

Hmm, so Wall Geckos are the new kind of pregnancy test' I said laughing, I thought it was funny but everyone else didn't think so.

"Don't laugh o, remember that the spiritual controls the physical. These things we call superstitious claims are true". He added

'But they are unfounded and not based on facts' I said again but he said that not everything can be explained.

Just when I thought the matter had ended he said out loud "Since na my Laptop e fall ontop, na promotion dey come".
He gestured to his stomach and extended his hand over his stomach as though it were protuded like that of a pregnant woman and added "pregnancy na promotion but this time na money dey come, I claim am." 
I responded with 'Amen o' and we all laughed.

The conversation continued from superstitious claims to the existence of mermaids (majority said they exist) and then to sex which I'll write about in my next post.
As they shared their experiences and thoughts, I realized that some people still hold on to beliefs that affects their view of the world and the way they relate to people or respond to situations - whether they know it or not.

We may term these beliefs ridiculous but sometimes it is because these beliefs seem to have worked for them.
For example I still have a dislike for Cats - especially black Cats - because I grew up hearing how evil they are.

It's as they say, you can't judge a man until you have walked the same path as he and in his shoes too.

So do you believe in superstition or do you think it depicts an inability to think?

What are the beliefs you held or still hold that may be considered superstitious?

Any experience you would like to share?

Photo Credit: shrek.wikia.com

What Shall You Do Today?

A few days ago I received a mail, that dampened my spirit - literally. It was the response to something I had applied for and I was told it would not be possible - now.

My spirit was dampened because I had really prepared for it, expected it and even prayed about it so when I got a response contrary to my expectations, I was sad.

After I read the mail, I called a friend, spoke to him about it, and he tried to encourage me but it's always easier said than done.

That's the thing about disappointment, you can never really be prepared for it no matter how experienced you are, whether you are young or old, black, white or hispanic, a student, professional or an amateur, disappointments are never easy to bear.

Another thing about disappointments though is that dwelling on them could set you up for failure as you may feel so frustrated that you lose the desire to try again.

So as I thought about the new plans I'd have to make after receiving the mail, I prayed and proceeded to ask myself 'what shall you do next?'

As I asked myself that, I recalled a song that you may have heard too, especially if you have been to Church in Nigeria.
The one that starts with a question by the praise leader, "what shall you do today" and elicits the chanted response from the congregation "today o, I'll lift up my voice in praise".

The thing I realized about this response is that it really means "today, I'll choose to focus on all that is going right in my life and give thanks for them". 

This requires effort.

It requires effort to take your eyes off the hurt you feel from not getting what you really want or probably sacrificed a lot for to focus on the blessings you have because sometimes the blessings seem insignificant compared to the loss.

But dwelling on loss is the easiest way to frustration and ultimately depression.

As I asked myself 'what shall you do today', I told myself that I will focus on the good in my life which is a lot.

So 'What shall you do today'.

Before you respond think of the fact that the worst hasn't happened yet - you are not dead and life is worth more than you could have paid for.

To be alive is to have the opportunity to try again.

So today focus on all the blessings you have and even when it all makes no sense, be thankful and do whatever it is that makes you happy because sometimes courage is the small voice that says at the end of the day "tomorrow I'll try again".

What shall you do today?

Photo Credit: www.shutterstock.com

Please Don't Laugh - My Natural Hair Journey

As I write this I feel pain and discomfort because of the heat from the hand dryer being used to blow-dry my hair. My stylist does this after washing my hair to make it soft and straighten it before a new hairstyle is made.

'Ah, ohh, shhh' are the sounds I make in response to the pain and now I ask myself as I always do if it's all worth it - the pain I mean.

I know they say beauty comes with a prize or something like that but is the pain from having heat applied to my scalp and afterwards having my scalp pulled in the name of making my hair worth it? 

Should I just cut my hair?

Or should I join the train of naturalistas by grooming my natural hair saying goodbye to relaxers and heat from blow-drying for good?

The latter sounds more appealing as I will still have my hair to style as I please whenever I choose. 

Maybe I should try being a naturalista and hopefully this time I wouldn't give up halfway like I did the last time I tried - yes o this wouldn't be the first time.

Talking about the last time I tried, let me tell you what happened.

It happened about 2 years ago.

It seemed like all of a sudden cool was being redefined as having natural hair.

My colleagues were doing it, girls at the salon were doing it and even people on TV - it was the birth of a revolution, African women were owning their 4c type hair and rocking it too.

Ladies were either cutting their hair low in a bid to groom it from scratch or staying away from relaxers until they could have their 'big chop' - you leave your hair unrelaxed for months and then cut off the part of your hair that had been relaxed leaving the new roots of the hair that is free from relaxers.

I thought the latter was better and decided to go for it.

2 months passed without applying relaxer to my hair and I felt really proud as I thought very soon I would be among the new cool girls and become the archetypal African woman - those who wore their natural hair proudly.

I was on my journey and was determined to succeed so even on the days when I felt tears welling up in my eyes from the pain of combing my 'unrelaxed and strong' hair dew for relaxing - I would remember the other revolutionary African women like my colleagues and bear the pain.

When I spoke to other members of the natural hair team, I was asked to apply Shea Butter and water to soften the hair before combing it but that didn't help much, honestly.

The thing is I have little threshold for pain.

I am the girl that will never have another ear piercing even if I wanted to or even get a tattoo because I just cannot bear pain.

Even having my blood drawn with syringe for blood tests usually results in drama - no matter how hard I try, I still manage to scream till everyone and their mum is coming in to check if a woman in labour is stuck in the lab.
They are usually always stunned when I strut out minutes later in heels like nothing ever happened.

I guess you now see why even Shea Butter couldn't solve the problem of the pain from my near-natural hair.

I bore the pain all the same for all of 3 months and would have continued but something happened one day.

I had loosened my hair and was combing it in front of my mirror when I noticed the tears streaming down my face again. I blinked them back and continued combing but the more I combed the more pain I felt and the more the tears flowed. After a while I couldn't hold back anymore and I let out all the tears I had been holding back for months - there in front of my mirror, all by myself I burst into tears. I literally was wailing.

As I looked at my reflection I realized this natural hair journey isn't for everyone and that natural hair or not I would still be the Archetypal African woman.

I picked up my phone, called my Stylist and told her I was headed for the Salon.

When I got there she advised that I add avocado, mayonnaise, raw eggs, coconut oil and some other ingredients I cannot remember now to my hair to make it soft and sleek.
As she listed the items all I saw was salad and I imagined making salad and applying it to my hair instead of eating it.

As she spoke, some members of the natural hair club added their suggestions talking about how they sustained their natural hair. While they all spoke I scanned the Salon for the shelf where relaxers are kept, quietly picked one and handed it to my Stylist - Christ didn't die for me to bear pain and feed my hair food that I should eat in the name of carrying natural hair.

That was how the journey ended for me but today is another day, I still see so many ladies rock their natural hair beautifully and maybe the pain from combing my natural hair may not hurt as it did before.

Thinking of it now, I may embark on the journey again - hopefully I would do my African sisters proud this time.

Religion Over Competence? Maybe This Is Our Problem As A People

I listened as the announcer on Radio reeled out the qualifications needed for a job vacancy he was announcing. The vacancy was for an Admin Officer/Personal Assistant.

He stated "you must be Born again, God fearing, Have a BSc in Business Administration, at least 2 years of work experience..." as he went on I almost laughed out loud, I wanted to believe it was a joke. 

Born again and God fearing as qualifications for a job?
How would you measure how much 'fear of God' a person has?
Can anyone not claim to be Born again and God fearing?
How will these qualities affect their ability to work effectively?
What happened to competence and integrity?
How about past records etal?

You may say it is up to a person to decide what he wants for his organization but I think using these criteria as a yardstick for qualification may make their search an exercise in futility as they may lose competent candidates who may not apply because they are not 'Born again and God fearing' - that is if they choose to be honest.

They may also attract people who out of desperation would claim to be 'Born again and God fearing' even if they are not, just to get the job.

Again, how can you tell that a person is God fearing from a CV or job interview?

How can you even measure 'fear of God'?

It is the thing they say about Nigerians, we are a religious bunch.

We are so religious that we would trump religion over competence and character.
This has in no small way contributed to the predicament we find ourselves in and maybe our problem as a people.

We play the religion card with who we choose to vote to lead, who we buy from and do business with, who we employ for a secular job and even who we deem as beffiting of our help in time of need.

In fact I know of people who go to particular churches because the CEO or manager of an organization they want to work in worships there.
For them it is not about fellowship but about association as they believe attending the church may get them the job.

I also know of people who go to church solely for business connections. So worshipping there makes them the first to be considered for contracts the church wants to execute and vacancies that may be available within the church's business arms or that of members.

They are like the proverbial Okoro that would go to the mountain if the mountain wouldn't come to him and going to church for them is a matter of survival. As science has taught us, in the battle of survival only the fittest survive.

I am a Christian and would gladly tell anyone about Jesus and his saving love but I also know that following Jesus is a matter of faith and has nothing to do with a person's professional competence and capabilities.

I also know that there are people who are not religious but their character and commitment to work would leave you in awe.

I believe it is important to surround yourself with people with similar beliefs and values as you but I think that with work especially when it is not within a religious organization, we should prize integrity, competence, character and a willingness to learn over religion.

These are my thoughts. What do you think?

I Was There When The World Went Mad

The year is 1995.

I am in Primary one and the teacher is teaching us about the family. He says a family is made up of a father, a mother and their children.

He says also that there are two types of family, the nuclear family which is made up of both parents and their children and the extended family which consists of the parents, children, uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents.

As he speaks, he points to the picture on the Social Studies textbook. It is the picture of a man and a woman holding two children, a boy and a girl.

He adds also that a female child is called a girl and a male child is called a boy, he says it is called Gender so I grow up knowing that my gender is female because I am a girl while my brothers are male because they are boys.

I passed from Primary one to Primary two and through Primary school to Secondary school, the definition of family never changed.

The year now is 2018.

I am filling a form online and when I get to the part for gender, the options are Male, Female, Other and Would rather not say.

As I tick female for me, I remember that times have changed a lot from 1995 when I was a child in Primary one to 2018 when I have become a Woman. 

I remember that the definition of family has changed to 'a set of parents and their children'.

This set may consist of a man and a woman, two men or two women.
Parents no longer have to be male and female and people of the same gender can now marry - not in my country though.

I remember also that people now have the right to choose their gender and so a child who's born female can get a surgery done to become a boy if she feels like it and vice versa.

I remember that some men once protested about their rights to have a monthly menstrual flow and to also be pregnant like women.

I remember that a group of men also once went to court to ask that the term 'pregnant women' be changed to 'pregnant people'.

Today there are no more moral absolutes as good and bad are now relative.

I remember also that the legal age to have sex in some countries is now 15 years as such if your child is raped at 15 and there's no proof that she was forced then you have no case in court as she is considered legally old enough to have sex with anybody - male or female.

I remember that some people are now working tirelessly to justify pedophilia - sex with a child and they say it's because some people are wired that way.

I wouldn't blame them though because another group is trying to justify sex with animals (bestiality) and they say this is because some people are attracted to horses, goats, chickens, dogs, snakes and even rats and it's the way they are wired.

I remember the story of young girl who gleefully took to social media to announce that she and her best friend are pregnant for the same man and she thinks this means their children will be best friends. 

Today, anything goes.

I remember that in a bid to practice freedom of choice we have put aside morality, forgetting that a society without rules guiding behaviour is a society headed for chaos and that true freedom lies in the ability to restrain oneself and exercise self control when necessary.

I remember that there seem to be more mentally ill persons walking the streets and even making policies so instead of seeking the help of Psychiatrists for their desires, they head to court to ask for the right to be whatever it is they want or feel like at that moment.

I remember as I complete my form that this is the world I will be bringing my children into and I remind myself that I have a lot of work to do.

This work begins with speaking into their lives and praying for what I want for them even while they are yet in my womb.

They will ask a lot of questions and I will tell them that once upon a time good and bad were not relative.

When they say people tell them they are being judgmental for upholding mommy's beliefs, I will remind them that it's okay to not go with popular opinion and that I was there when the world went mad.

May You Not Believe Them

May you find reasons to smile every time you look in the mirror.

May you not believe the lies they tell you about your physique and abilities.

May you not believe them when they say your dreams are too big.

May the words they say to break you not make you lose faith in love and life.

May you remember that no one is perfect and that you are a work in progress, a seed that will blossom.

May you find beauty in your scars and may each one be a reminder of battles won.

May you have the wisdom to know that love not backed by action isn’t love.

May you not depend on romantic love to shore up your self image.

May you have the discernment to tell when all they want is your flesh and care nothing about your soul.

May you heal from the past hurts and open yourself to life’s goodness.

May you remember that you are stronger than pain and that a diamond with flaws is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.

May you remember that you are special but you need to first know how special you are before others will.

May you remember that people will err and so it's best to hold them to a standard of grace and not perfection.

May you find beauty in your self first and love yourself enough so you can receive the kind of love you deserve when it finally comes.

Maybe This Is For You

Keep this in mind all through this month and the remaining part of the year.

 Xoxo!

If It Rains Tonight, How Do You Plan To Keep Warm?

It's a cool Sunday evening and I just had a meal of hot rice and goat meat stew.
Shortly before I did, it threatened to rain and so I had to bring in the clothes I had hung on the line to dry.

As I packed the clothes in, I wondered how those who live in flood prone areas here in Port Harcourt will cope as it has been raining heavily for the past days and many people have already been forced out of their homes because of the flood.
Some business owners have closed shop too like they did for most of last year because of the flood - the government is yet to deal with the issue as promised.

As I thought about those in flood prone areas here in Rivers state who will have a hard time scooping water from their homes and keeping their children and property safe, I remembered those who probably wish all they had to deal with was flood. 

The mother who probably didn't have time to grieve her dead children because she had to scamper for safety and only heard about their mass burial on the news.

The man who probably watched his darling raped brutally before she was murdered in cold blood. He pictures her face now as he looks at his legs that have been cut off and he realizes that he may never walk again but even that wouldn't have mattered if his pregnant wife was by his side.

Then there is the little boy who has no idea where his parents and siblings are. As he sits amongst strangers he sees his sister's face and as he looks at the plate of food that has been handed to him - a plate of watery soup and eba, he wishes he could share it with her as he always did and he wonders why nothing has been done to catch the men who broke the peace and quiet he knew and took everything that was familiar - his parents and sister, their farms, food, property and friends.

He watches the men and women who have become his family in this place called a camp for Internally Displaced Persons as they discuss their ordeals - one woman has no idea where her children are, another watched her husband decapitated before her eyes and yet another man is still in shock as all he remembers is the heat from the fire he was saved from, he has no idea where his life has gone.

I think of them and I feel the tears drop from my eyes because while I have my warm room to lie in when it rains, my fellow country men have been deprived the right to warmth, peace, freedom of movement and association.

Some have been murdered in cold blood and others have been made refugees in a country that is not at war.

Over 200 women and children have died in Plateau, thousands have been buried having been murdered thoughtlessly in Benue and so many others in the Middle Belt live in fear because they know they are not safe and there is nothing they can do about it. 

The President advised that they learn to tolerate their fellow countrymen and even told them not to blame him for the killings.

The Defence Minister stated that whatever has happened is a communal clash resulting from the law against open grazing.

The Senate President thinks it is unfortunate that such killings are happening at a time when the country is preparing for an election.

The world is tweeting and talking but no one is accepting responsibility and none has been held accountable so far in a country where the lives of Cattle have been prized over that of Human beings.

A mockery is being made of humanity, a people's trust have been broken, a child is being made to feel that the world is against him, an army of aggrieved children is being bred, a generation that know nothing about love, warmth and kindness is being raised and all the leaders care about is the next election.

The killer herdsmen have brought terror like have never been witnessed in the history of Nigeria and no one has been made to pay.

We must keep talking about it and require a righting of this wrong as the next bloodshed may be closer than you think.

The cloud has gathered and if nothing is done, we may experience a downpour like we have never seen.

It may rain anytime, maybe tonight.

If it does how do you plan to keep warm?

Having Your Friend Inspect Your Wife's Vagina

Imagine that your wife is in labour and you are caught up in traffic on your way to the hospital but your friend who's also with you and has experience with delivery offers to help you deliver your baby which would mean touching and putting his fingers in your wife's Vagina, would you let him?

Ladies what would you do if you were in such a situation?

This is exactly what happened in the movie "The Best Man Holiday". I just watched it - for the 70th time I guess.

Harper's (Taye Diggs's character) wife goes into labour while they are on holiday in Lance' (Morris Chestnut's character) house and on their way to the hospital it becomes evident that they may not make it because of the traffic.

That's when Lance offered to help with the delivery. 

Harper thanked him smiling, as he thought all Lance had to do was tell his wife to "Push!"
But Lance handed him his phone and said "I'll have to inspect her Cervix (Vagina)".

Harper's expression changed and he looks at his friend askance hoping he was joking when Lance reassuringly adds

"Don't worry, I know my way around the Vagina". 

Before they reached a decision the wife who is in serious pain and whose only concern is to have her child immediately screams "Get on with it!" and that was it.

As I stated, this happened in a movie but who says it cannot happen in reality?

I addressed the question to you men because I assume that a woman in labour wouldn't be bothered about who sticks their finger in her vagina - the pain would make anything tolerable.

I recall the story told of a man who first refused to let a male Nurse inspect his wife's Cervix (Vagina) when she was in labour, he eventually had to though when she slapped him and he realized it was a matter of life and death.

I also read a woman's experience about having to leave a party because she met the Doctor that delivered her baby at the party.
She had not expected to meet him outside the hospital and she said seeing him dressed in suit and laughing with a drink in hand, made her realize he was like any other man and he had seen her Vagina.

She was too embarrassed and had to leave.

So imagine your friend who was probably there while you courted your wife and who would be there long after your baby is born.

Would you let him inspect and insert his fingers in your wife's vagina?

This is just me thinking out loud but it would be a matter of life and death you know, so what would you do?

Stop Dreaming, Start Clapping!

It is the first day of July and the beginning of the second half of the year.

It is that time when you are expected to review your goals and see how far you have come but what you really need to do isn't to review your goals, what you need to do is to clap for yourself for having made it thus far.

You may have ticked off half of the plans you had for this year or may not even have started with the first, still you must clap for yourself.

This is because life is more than a 'to-do list', it is a collection of our experiences whether good or bad and demands to be lived and until you begin to appreciate the success of even just getting through each day, you may not appreciate the success of climbing mountains.

Do not wait for others to appreciate you before you appreciate yourself.

Until you learn to start clapping for yourself no one else will.

It's like the Igbo proverb says "when the Agama lizard fell off a palm tree he nodded to himself and said if no one praises him, he would praise himself". He acknowledged his effort, encouraged himself in adversity and saw beyond the present.

This is easier said than done because everyone needs motivation but I have learned that sometimes the only motivation you will get is the one you give yourself.

Sometimes you have to pause, pat your own back and continue in your work.

Sometimes you will be your only fan but you must stay consistent.

Consistency is harder when no one is clapping for you especially when no one else think your performance is worth clapping for but you have to remind yourself why you started and let that spur you on to continue in your work.

So starting today drop your list of goals, stop the dream and just clap for yourself even if the sound isn't loud and your hands hurt, keep clapping.

Clap first and then begin again to dream and stay consistent with your work.

Remember the saying, it is okay to be both a Masterpiece and a work in progress simultaneously.
Be your biggest fan cos if you aren't, who will?

Welcome to July!