Friday Motivation!

Sometimes You Are The Enemy You Seek To Kill

"His village people are after him".

The phrase above is one most of us have used to describe a person who we think destroys their chances by themselves.

You may have said it yourself when certain things happened but I am learning that more often than not, the village people we blame only exist in our heads.

Sometimes the real village people is you and the problem you have may be your fault albeit unintentionally.

You may have read that you cannot give what you don’t have. 

This is true as you can pretend to be who you are not for a while but with time the real you will show.

Every day I see the truth in these words.

Every day I come to see that when you keep getting less than you deserve then maybe it is because you are not as valuable as you think.

So you may call yourself strong, beautiful, valuable and deserving of the best but if you do not work to be what you say you are then you will still sabotage yourself because your nature – who you really are – will betray you.

It reminds me of the Prodigal son who squandered his inheritance. 

It wasn't his village people that took the money but his inability to handle his new found wealth made him squander it.

Wealth that took his father years to acquire was gone in a short while because he didn’t have the capability to acquire or manage such wealth.

Let me share this profound story my brother told me with you.

Once upon a time in a certain town where slaves were not expected to associate with men considered to be free born, there lived 3 men.

They were friends but their relationship was unique because 2 of these men were free born and the other was a slave.

The 2 free born men had a meeting to attend in another town and when they informed their slave friend of their plans, he pleaded to go with them as his master had gone on a trip and he was free of his duty at the time.

His friends obliged but he pleaded to be treated as a free born when they got to the town they were visiting so that he would be treated with respect.

This too they agreed to.

On the set day, they embarked on their trip and upon arrival at their destination headed straight to the house they were to be hosted.

When they got to the house, their host received them at the door while his own slave took their coats to be kept amongst those of other guests because the custom is that guests coats would be hung neatly while those of the guests’ slave is kept on the floor in a corner as free born and slaves do not associate.

Pleasantries were exchanged, introductions done, the table was set for dinner and everyone sat down to dine.

While they were dining the host excused himself briefly and while he was returning to the table, he saw a coat in a corner on the floor. He wondered whose it was as none of his guests came with a slave and he knew his own slaves kept their coats in their quarters.

He beckoned on his slaves who were waiting on the guests and asked them who had the coat and when his slaves said they didn’t know, he proceeded to the dining table to ask his guests.

He asked “did anyone of you come with a slave? Because someone has kept their coat here like a slave and you know no slave is allowed on the dining table”.

His guests looked at each other with astonishment each wondering who the slave was in their midst.

While they exchanged glances, the 2 men who had brought in their slave friend looked at him with regret in their eyes as it dawned on them that introducing him as a free man didn’t change the fact that he had lived his life as a slave and had the mentality of a slave.

The fact that he was called a free born and treated as one didn’t change the fact the he still had the mind of slave.

He did not learn the ways of the free born, how they acted, talked and behaved.

He is nature had betrayed him. He became his own enemy.

This story is profound because it shows that you may change your name or even your appearance but if you do not change your mind and learn to act differently, who you are will still show.

You cannot pour from an empty cup as such if you do not consciously learn a new way of being your nature and not your village people will betray you.

You may become your own enemy.

How Not To Say Vagina

I looked on, she instructed the little boy on what to do as she led him to pee.

‘Bring out your ‘pee pee’, hold it’ she said referring to his Penis.

He obliged and went on to pee.

When he was done she brought out a wipe and told him ‘always wipe your pee pee and remember if anybody touches it what do you do’?

‘Shout’ he responded.

She hi-fived him and led him back to the place where we stood waiting for a cab.

I smiled at the obvious closeness between the mother and her son and admired that she thought him to wipe his Penis or haven’t you seen guys who pee, shake their Penis and put it back in their briefs/boxers like that?

I liked also that she took precaution against abuse but as I looked on, I thought to myself ‘why don’t we call the Penis and Vagina by their names’?

We coin any name that helps us not to mention the real names. It is what we do with things considered sacred, unpleasant or embarrassing, we try not to say them and so we use euphemisms.

Euphemisms, those mild or indirect words or expressions substituted for ones considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

For example,

When a typical Nigerian wants to ask you for money, he tells you he is very rich at the moment but needs help.

Some people say I’m strong when they really are trying to say they feel sick.

When your friend asks you if she is fat, you tell her she has gotten a little bigger when in your head you are thinking ‘you are fat babe’.

When people die we say they passed away, we call blind people visually impaired, when a person is looking for work (unemployed) they say they are between jobs and when discussing sex we say things like ‘get down’ or ‘get laid’ or ‘do the deed/thing’.

We try to find ways to not say what we want to say but still want to say what we want to say.

Especially with sex.

We are trained and in turn train our children to see their sexual organs as sacred, parts of their bodies to not be given thought or talked about and so instead of calling the parts as they are we use euphemisms.

For this reason it is hard to give sex education to our children who are left to explore on their own or worse still are taught by strangers and make mistakes that are avoidable and may be irreparable.

You have probably told a child not to let anyone touch his ‘pee pee’ or her ‘wee wee’ or have tried to shut them up when they asked questions about sex even when they are not so little anymore.

I am not saying we should throw words about or expose our children to sex, I just think we should remove the air of sacrosanctity and sacredness with which we have surrounded private parts and just treat them as body parts that should not be abused.

Sex should be called what as it is and children particularly teenagers should be made to know that it is not to be abused.

We could do with a little openness with issues of sex and the sexual organs so as to discourage hypocrisy and encourage honesty.

We should try to get our children or wards to talk more about their privates and what happens to them instead of teaching them how not to say Vagina…or Penis.

The 'Shithole' You Call Home

If you are like me you must have been livid when you read reports that the President of the United States of America, Donald Trump referred to African countries as 'Shitholes'.

It was during the White House meeting on Immigration Reform that President Donald Trump referred to African nations as “shithole countries”, and proceeded to ask the following questions: “Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here? Why couldn’t we just take in immigrants from, say, Norway?”

If you are like me, you probably also considered the state of things in the country you call home and shrugged asking something like "are we angry because he may be right? Is Nigeria really a Shithole''?

Recall also how on December 23, 2017, The New York Times reported that during a meeting in the Oval Office to advance President Trump’s Immigration Agenda, Trump made the following remarks about Nigerians: “Once they had seen the United States, they would never go back to their huts in Africa”.

So when in January he made the Shithole remark we were concerned not only because we do not all live in huts but the statements also reeked of racism and an air of superiority.

Some African Presidents called for an apology, professional bodies made up of Nigerians in the United States asked for apologies stating that they were contributing to the economy of America and as such wouldn't appreciate such statements about their home but that was all they could do, make statements.

They didn't get angry enough to come back home at least to teach America a lesson that their economy will crumble without their services.

Nigerians in Nigeria reacted also with some for in support and others against Mr Trump's remarks .

Then fast forward to about 6 months later, Falz a Nigerian musician living in Nigeria releases a single titled 'This Is Nigeria'.

A song in which he chronicles the challenges we have to deal with in Nigeria and how the system helps to increase the enormity of the challenges.

He talked about Police Stations closing at 6pm because of security reasons, the rise in Internet fraud especially amongst youths etal and some Nigerians once again spoke up about how he ought to paint the country in a positive light.

Isn't music amongst other things supposed to highlight societal ills?

I agree that we are all entitled to our opinion but I believe the Nigeria Falz sang about is THIS one we live in.

Recall how in 2016 the Prime Minister of the United Kingdim (UK), David Cameron referred to Nigeria as fantastically corrupt?

As if to buttress that statement it was reported on Friday that monies meant for the payment of April salaries for Local Government employees in Kebbi state were reported to have been stolen in June by suspected armed robbers. This is June and they are yet to get April's pay which has now been stolen I wonder what would become of May and even June.

So you see why I am screaming?

THIS IS NIGERIA!

This is Nigeria where elected officials go abroad for medical checks and treatment while health workers go on strike and ordinary citizens die.

This really is Nigeria a country rich in oil yet not economically self reliant.

This is Nigeria where snakes and monkeys swallow and cart away millions of taxpayers monies.

This is Nigeria where thousands seek refuge in Internally Displaced Persons Camps and have to face the rains, cold, heat, mosquitoes and unsanitary environment because they were chased away and had their loved ones killed by Herdsmen.

This is Nigeria where stable power supply is like a Utopian dream even though billions of dollars are reported to have been spent on power.

This is Nigeria where young men and women risk their lives trying to cross the Sahara desert and the Mediterranean Sea in search of greener pastures. They become undignified while trying to find dignity and value for their lives.

This is Nigeria where elected officials empower members of their constituents with shoe polish kits, beverages and noodles, tricycles, frying pans and claypots.

This is Nigeria where getting a visa to relocate abroad - anywhere in particular, is a testimony.

THIS IS NIGERIA!

Stop Being Cheap!

I still remember when a dear friend got married and her husband was to return after their honeymoon to his base - he worked outside the country and plans for her to join him had not been concluded - she cried so much at the airport that he too shed tears but he had to go.
When we spoke later that day, her voice still sounded tearful but I consoled her and then teased her, telling her to be strong even though in my heart I knew if I were the one I would probably have begged to be put in his luggage and smuggled into wherever he is going.

It's the thing about goodbyes, they are never easy to say even though at different points in life, it must be said to either people, places or things little wonder Celine Dion sang 'Goodbye's the saddest word I ever heard'.

Whether it's the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, moving to a new place or job or even just having your partner leave for a few days, goodbyes are never easy.

They are however a part of life and are oftentimes necessary for growth and progress.

One thing I have learned about GOODBYEs though is that they are not just for people, places or things but also for habits, mentalities and ways of thinking.

I recall a conversation with a boss I worked with and while we were discussing a particular project and the way it was being handled, he noted that the supervisor in charge of the project wouldn't get the result needed because he was going for 'low hanging' fruits and unwilling to put in work to get quality results.

Long after that conversation and till this day those words still ring in my head, "he is being cheap and going for the low hanging fruits".

I often ask myself sometimes if I too am going for low hanging fruits because sometimes life can test you so much that you are tempted to lower your standards, go with popular opinion and forget your goals without even realizing it.

This is why you need to constantly evaluate and reevaluate yourself, work, relationships, habits and priorities to be sure you are on track and not going for low hanging fruits.

One great way to achieve this is by imbibing the spirit of excellence, resolving to give your best at all times regardless of the circumstances and not pander to emotions and sensibilities.

It is saying to yourself that 'if my name is on it then it can't be mediocre'.

It starts with resolving to do your work with the best of your capabilities, committing to handle your business in the best way possible by using the best products and delivering the best service possible, going the extra mile and generally refusing to settle for or give less than the best.

This wouldn't be an easy thing to do and may be even more difficult to sustain but a great place to start is deciding to stop being cheap.

Stop being cheap and this is not about the price of what you have on or the money spent in acquiring property.

Stop choosing easy over right. Stop lowering your standards with people.
Stop entertaining relationships that no longer serve you.
Stop hanging around people who disrespect you. Stop begging to be valued.
Stop being the boss who wouldn't put in work to ensure his team delivers quality result.
Stop being the vendor that never delivers as promised and falls short of expectations.
Stop being the politician that promises to build bridges even where there are no rivers.
Stop selling your votes.
Stop committing yourself to too many things or people so you don't fail in/with all.
Stop the habits that cause people to lose trust in you.

Do and give your best at your level.

Say goodbye to mediocrity and start seeking only the best so that when you begin to attract the best you will see that sometimes there is really GOOD in GOODBYE.

Sometimes It's Hard To Say Thy Will be Done

I listened intently to the voice of Cece Winans as she sang 'Thy Will be Done' and for the first time I became somehow hyper aware of the meaning of her song.

It was like an eureka moment for me as I had never taken in the meaning of the song and all I could think of is how difficult it is to really let God's will be done. I mean asking for his will and not hoping it will be what I have in mind.

I think it's one of the hardest things to do especially in times when you want to do what your mind - the seat of emotion and intellect, tells you is right. Times when you feel the need to take what you think is rightfully yours in the face of oppression or when you feel the need to defend yourself against violence.

Times like this, when Nigerians are being slaughtered like sheep without value and it seems like nothing is being done and no one is being held accountable, when some innocent citizens are being made to pay for crimes they didn't commit.

It is at times like this that preachers tell congregants to take up arms and defend themselves and fathers buy guns or sharpen their machetes to protect their wives and babies because what used to be movie scenes have become reality. 

Now mothers cry as they helplessly watch their sons and daughters maimed and raped and young men and women willingly brace death in the desert and Mediterranean Sea instead of staying in a country they have lost faith in.

Times when you dare not mention love and peace because the words seems to be the reason for heartless men to continue inflicting terror without resistance.
It is hard to say 'thy will be done' when what you want is your human will to live and not be killed because of your faith, the will to enjoy life in peace and quiet even though the Bible already speaks of the tribulations you will have to endure on earth.

 Jesus Christ taught us to pray 'thy will be done on earth' but when he was faced with death,he had his 'human' moment too as recorded in Matthew 26:42 KJV: 'He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.' But he knew that he was sent to die.

This makes it harder because I do not think it is God's will for me to be killed violently and therefore will not be silent or not act when my life, dignity, work or family is being threatened.

I hope to be able to fully let God's will be done in my life but I wonder if that means embracing the morning sun in the face of danger or death and wholeheartedly saying 'thy will be done'.

That Awkward Moment...To Ask or Not To Ask

'Oh it's a movie I have seen', that was my reaction when I realized the movie I timed to see was actually one I had seen.

'That Awkward Moment', that's the title of the movie and if you are thinking what kind of movie title is this? You are not alone as I thought so too when a colleague first recommended the movie - I had joked about how it sounded like some Nollywood movies with cheesy titles such as 'Where is the love', 'Adanma, the village girl' or 'the return of Igbagaza' where Igbagaza would turn out to be a pot that was lost in some evil forest that comes back to haunt the villagers until a brave young man often an orphan saves the village by destroying the pot and gets the King's only daughter as his wife and the prize for saving the village.

'That Awkward Moment' which stars Zac Efron and Michael Jordan tells the story of three friends who were set on dating casually until they found themselves at the point in a relationship where they had to answer the question...'Where is this going'?

You have probably seen those meme where a girl asks a guy 'so what are we' and the guy responds with 'we are a chosen generation' or 'we are nothing but pencils in the hand of the creator', remember that slogan on works by Wale Adenuga Productions?

Now to the issue of asking about the status of a relationship, it doesn't matter how the question is asked or who asks it, one thing it connotes is a relationship between two people that has not been defined aka one person is being stringed along and he/she has decided to take the proverbial bull by the horn.

It reminds me of conversations my colleagues have had about defining relationships. Some say that defining relationships from the beginning puts the people involved under pressure to 'perform' or 'live up to expectations', as such it'd be best to let things flow until there is need to either keep flowing or just let go.

The opposing argument has always been that if a person values the time and energy that would be spent in a relationship, then it's best defined from the start so they don't get to 'that awkward moment'.
I have listened often with keen interest to the arguments and I think whatever side a person chooses and however you play one thing is certain, there will be 'that awkward moment' where you have to answer the question 'where is this relationship going'?

What do think?

If You Are A Football Fan, Do Not Read This

I had to put a disclaimer as the title of this post so now I can write with a clear 'conchest'.

I do not hate football but I do not watch the game.

I do not watch not because I have not tried, honestly I tried but couldn't understand the running around a field chasing a ball, the anxiety on the part of spectators and the excitement that comes from seeing a ball kicked into a net...I couldn't.

I also do not hate football, how dare I hate a game that unites the world for all of 90 minutes - if there's no extra time - and afterwards causes division amongst members of opposing teams?

How dare I hate a sport whose players earn thousands of pounds weekly while all some of the fans get are bragging rights about which player earns more or who deserves more?

How can I hate a sport that could leave die hard fans depressed or so angry that they lose their appetite because their team lost while the players who are the real partakers hug each other after the game no matter who won or lost?

You see, I cannot hate a sport that some people have killed for or haven't you read the story of a driver who ran over a pedestrian because the said pedestrian was wearing the jersey of the club that just beat his own club?

Talking about 'his own' club, I'm fascinated by the way fans act and talk as if they are part owners of football clubs especially when I hear them personalize victories and losses.

I'm sure you have heard or probably said yourself 'we lost today or we are buying Neymar o'.
The fascination for me stems from the fact that people can feel so connected to a system they are not really part of and cannot really influence. Or do you get to be part of the bargain for which player should be bought by Chelsea?

I do not hate football and have nothing against football fans, in fact I once got a customized Jersey which I wore proudly no matter who was winning or losing and even tried playing football with my colleagues.

You may say life is best lived when we find what we are passionate about and if it is football then one should 'support their club with passion' but I say the game itself is a battle and peace begins when you choose your battles wisely.

Being a Christian In Nigeria

“If Bill Gates were to walk into a Nigerian church and heard every single one of our prayers I bet he would be tempted to think he is God as I’m sure our prayer requests would be about the things we need…food, clothes, cars, houses, material things basically”. The voice of Olakunle Soriyan reeled off as he spoke and the words he spoke hit me to the marrow as it reminded me of conversations I have had one time too many with a few close friends.

I had been invited by a friend to his Church and Olakunle Soriyan, the guest speaker was speaking on renewing our minds as Christians to be able to effect positive change. I was glad that he was talking to Christians and I hoped everyone else saw the truth in his words as I did as my mind drifted to conversations I have had with friends about most Nigerians using God for material gains.

I personally think that most of us do not worship God because we love him and seek a relationship with him but because we need something, someone to hold onto, an elixir for the challenges that we are laden with. I’m in no way undermining the need for God and his ability to do all we want, what I’m saying is that maybe we have been conditioned by our environment – lack of the basic amenities, preachers who sell a God that wants to make you rich overnight and leaders who seem to be in a competition of who can leave the economy worse than they met it – to aspire for the messiah that will turn things around for us and since we seem to have ingrained in us an inability to change our circumstances by first accepting responsibility for the rot we are in, we have to dump it all on God.

I still remember asking a Christiant leader what message we would preach to most billionares who even give to nations including ours, seeing as Pastors sell the message of serving God so he will make you rich.

I have observed also that the major reason some of us fast for many days, do all night prayers, go to mountains to pray and bow down to 'men of God', taking all they say hook, line and sinker is because we have a gaping hunger first for survival and then for better than our ‘heroes past’ have handed to us and not really as a service to God.
If you doubt this, record the testimonies in Church next Sunday, they will be tales of those who got miracle cars, miracle monies, miracle jobs etal, testimonies told not to glorify God but to remind the other congregants that we are no longer in their league.
I am all for serving God and for giving as much as we can but sometimes I wonder if some of us would speak in tongues as loudly as we do, go to church as often as we do or even empty our accounts as willingly as we do (in hopes for a miraculous doubling or even quadrupling of the monies), if we were in a thriving economy with leaders who feel responsible to the people, a country where quality healthcare isn’t scarce or totally elusive and we didn’t have to pray for light and good roads.
If we would first renew our minds through the word, we will be able to shift from being seekers of things to lovers of our neighbours, thinkers, and seekers of knowledge that will effect change and bring the things we now seek.

In The Business of Living

I haven't posted for months and it has not been an intentional act.
I tried to write severally but I couldn't put the thoughts in my head to words.
I would start writing my thoughts and after a while the words just stopped flowing, I guess it's what they call 'writer's block'.
This happened for days which rolled into weeks and then months and now here I am.
Through this time though alot has happened for me and I look forward to sharing it all with you.
I now host two TV shows, a breakfast show which airs on weekdays and a food show that explores different food varieties and their method of preparation.
The intriguing part is that all of these are presented in Pidgin English. I started a career in broadcasting years ago on radio, presenting in the English language and never envisaged myself broadcasting in Pidgin but now you should watch me tear my Pidgin English...correct Warri babe.
Now that I'm back - not like i travelled - I hope to share some of the stories I have heard from guests on the morning show, some of the recipes from the food show, as well as my thoughts on simple issues and I hope that you would share with me too.
So after a long hiatus, I am here again and I plan to be here still in the business of living.