I still remember the shivering that came after it all ended. It was profound and my mouth shook as I spoke, ‘I’m so cold’. The medics placed bags of fairly hot liquid around my neck and shoulders to keep me warm. Still, the shivering continued. ‘Turn off the air conditioner’, my Obstetrician said. She worked feverishly, stitching my abdomen. Then it dawned on me that I was shivering because my insides were exposed to the cold. The doctor continued to sew me up after having cut me open to bring you out of my body.
As they continued their work, a song came on in the theatre. ‘I’ve never been more loved than I am right now. I wasn’t holding you up, so there’s nothing I can do to let you down.’ Jireh by Maverick City Music blared soothingly from the speakers in the theatre and at that moment, a wave of gratitude washed over me. Gratitude for the 9 months that had culminated in a great celebration. Gratitude for the grace that fortified me even on the most daunting days. Gratitude for my life and the new life that has come out of it.
A nurse brought you to me, she held you over my face as she asked, ‘Is this a boy or a girl?’ ‘He is a boy”, I replied smiling with tears, and then she placed your tiny brand new body on my shoulder. I couldn’t move my body or hands as I lay still on the operating table, but I managed to move my head, trying to catch a whiff of your smell. "My baby, my son, thank you, Jesus," I whispered as you cried. Your tiny hands and feet shook with each cry—hands and feet that had kicked and moved within me for months. "Mommy is here, darling; don’t cry," I said, even as I continued shedding tears of joy.
The song Jireh continued playing as I reminisced on the events of the last 9 months. It had a been a walk of faith for us and God indeed proved himself as Jireh.
One whole year has passed since that day when you came and changed everything. One year of late nights and early mornings, of faith, resilience, and perseverance, unlearning, learning and relearning, of rediscovering joy in its many forms, of you discrediting my idea of love, opening me up to a love that gives without expectation, of trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ to perfect what he began.
All this time, I have not just grown, I have been reborn. A different woman has emerged - a mother and a warrior. For indeed as you were born, a mother was born in me. All these months I have seen Jireh come through with his work of providing resources both material and immaterial, for many a time what I needed was wisdom to make a decision, knowledge to act with, strength when my body was tired from exhaustion, and patience when I felt tried beyond my ability.
Beyond the rebirth, there’s been a reawakening for me. A new ability to decipher everything in the grand scheme of things. To delineate the ephemeral from the subliminal. An awareness of the many miracles I once took for granted. A consciousness of the rare privilege bestowed on me, of raising another human, of nurturing a life. It has been like having a front-row seat to a show that features the unfolding of a miracle. And that’s what you are, a miracle, a masterpiece, a sign, a wonder.
You are proof of God’s mercy and might. Being your mama has been my favourite role, the greatest privilege of my life. It’s been a blessing watching you morph from the neonate who couldn’t open his eyes to the toddler who prances about, knocking down everything within reach.
It has also been an unveiling, of my strengths, revealing sides to me that I never knew existed.
Today, I thank God for you, his heritage, and his reward. I thank God for the good work he has begun because I know he will perfect and complete it. If nothing, I have learned the truth in your Daddy’s words that “God is a perfectionist”. As we begin another year together, I look forward to the future with faith and gratitude. I am most thankful that I do not get to do this alone having been blessed with a supportive husband and siblings who would walk to the ends of the earth for me. I have also had a community of encouragers and helpers, gardeners for my soul.
Today, I pray that God will grant us a sufficiency of enoughness. I pray that He will lavishly endow us with the courage to forge ahead and faith in the enormity of the future He has designed for us. Here’s to many more years of love, fulfillment, joy, and peace to guard our hearts.
