Okiemute Don't Kill Ya Self - Lessons I Learned From Playing Football

"Eh, I'm tired o. Please I can't continue anymore, abeg abeg I cannot kill myself". That was me screaming as I laid on a cement block by the side of the space that served as our Football field.

I washed my face with water and drank a little but couldn't swallow so I spat it out. My head throbbed and spinned as I sat up. 'No wonder Footballers get paid millions, ha! This thing is not easy at all' I exclaimed again to my colleagues who laughed and had to take a break because of me.

All I wanted to do was sleep off right there on the field - the Football field.
I had gone to play Football with some colleagues after putting it off for weeks. I really didn't intend to play Football o, what I wanted to do was just run on the treadmill, do sit ups and be fit but a colleague of mine suggested that I join other colleagues for a game of Football and that was how I found myself on the field.

I left my house early this Saturday morning all geared up for the game, arrived the office complex where we were to play Football and started off by jogging round the field ten times at the advice of a colleague.
You should have seen me panting as I counted 5,6,7, 8...and jogged round, I couldn't wait for 10 to come. I almost decided against playing after my jogging because I was sure I had lost all the weight, in fact I could literally feel my abs forming.

My colleague spurred me on and we started the game. Now I'm sure the last time I played Football was 15 or 20 years ago as a child with my brothers and so as I kicked the ball I almost flew off the ground with it.
I felt a sharp pain in my toes..."choi, choi, choi, Okiemute are you sure you want to continue"? I asked myself and then looked at the others (there were 4 of us, 2 males and 2 females and we formed a team of a guy and a girl each), and decided to brace up.
I kicked again and felt the pain.
I had to touch the ball to be sure it wasn't made of rock, or was it my shoes - they were plain black sneakers - maybe they were not built for Football.
I almost protested but kept shut and watched the others, I saw them kick with the side of their foot and followed suit, this time it didn't hurt like before.

We carried on, running, kicking, scoring...ah yes o I scored a goal, I felt proud and was convinced that if I could try playing more I would be more than a Jersey wearing Football fan. "Who knows? I may play for Nigeria someday"...the voice of my team mate jolted me back to reality "Okiemute the ball"! Alas! It was too late, the other team had scored as I was busy dreaming about playing for Nigeria.

Sigh!

I got back in the game played for a few more minutes, hi-fiving my team mate each time we (he) scored.
We carried on with our game until my body told me for the final time that it would fall on the ground and there was nothing anyone would do if I didn't stop to rest. That was when I threw my hands up, screaming as I staggered to the side of our field 'Eh, I'm tired o. Please I can't continue anymore, abeg abeg I cannot kill myself'.

The others had to take a break as they laughed, but I didn't care - I just told myself "Okiemute don't kill ya self, it's just Football and there's no trophy to be won. No crowd will boo you and no President will order your arrest because you didn't win even a Bronze medal, ehen".

My colleague's voice jolted me back to reality, "let's try again, 2 more goals and we will be done".
I just looked at him "na only you waka come o, my body wants to rest" but then my team mate motioned to me, "just stand by the goal post and stop the ball, I'll do the rest of the work".
I looked at him and nodded as I felt strength sipping in. I was helped up to my feet and we got back on the field.

We played - okay I  didn't really play, just stood by the goal post to stop the ball and occasionally throwing and passing it on to my teammate, I also ran into the field a few times.

He scores the 2 goals needed to end the game and that was how we won - I hi-fived him and did my victory dance.

We won 6 - 4, but more importantly I learned valuable lessons.

Firstly, we won not just because we played well but because my teammate refused to give up even when I decided that I was too tired to go on. He simply asked that I stay behind and stop the ball while he fought and tackled the others - that's a valuable lesson about team playing. A good player needs the support of his team mate.

Secondly, I also learned about not just playing to win but enjoying the experience not because winning is not good but it's who you become in the process that matters more. At first I wanted to score goals and ended up prancing up and down ready to knock down my opponents but I got exhausted and decided to just enjoy the game. I enjoyed the game and also won.

Thirdly, don't just win for the sake of winning. I played because I wanted to be fit and being fit would make me healthier, a lot more productive, active and valuable.

Fourthly, don't be so focused on winning that you forget everything else including relationships with yourself and others. We all occasionally joked even as we played and it was an opponent that helped me up to my feet when I decided I was too tired to play.

Lastly, above all else - WIN! Nothing beats the sensation of victory no matter how little. Even when you get tired, never lose focus. I cheered my teammate on and urged him to "score that goal man" even though I was tired.

And we won!

But more than winning I burned enough calories in the process and treated myself to Akara and Custard for breakfast...I hope though that the deep fried Akara doesn't ruin my efforts at burning calories.

When A Guy Wouldn't Say What He Wants

’Why you dey ask me if I love you afterall the things wey I don do? You suppose know by now’… these are lyrics from Bez Idakula’s song ‘You suppose know’ which I am currently listening to and I must confess that it’s one song I never get tired of listening to.

I love the happy feel of the song and it also gets me feeling mushy…even now I am smiling ‘aww, what a beautiful thing to be loved and desired’.

Yes it’s a beautiful thing to be desired but how can one tell when one is desired?

Let me rephrase, how do I know when a man likes me if he doesn’t say it?

 And please don’t tell me you would know by his actions even when he doesn’t say it. Or haven’t you seen guys who act all lovey dovey with you only to deny when you ask if they have feelings?

Mbok, if you would not say what you feel for me and want from me, I will not bother about trying to decipher –I don’t do sign language or erm erm…action language.

I almost tried it once and thank God I asked early if not now how dem shoot bird and im mama fly leave am naim we for dey talk now.

I had an experience recently with a former friend who thought I was supposed to just know I am his girlfriend by his actions.

His exact words were ‘if you were not my girlfriend why would I be doing the things I have done’. By the way the things he referred to are evening outings, movies and him cooking dinner o – so don’t go thinking I spent his money a la Naija girl style.

I looked at him askance ‘bros we never discussed relationship na, am I supposed to read your mind’, and he was offended.

Did I do wrong?

I believe men are capable of actively chasing a woman they want and that includes telling her without mincing words that they want a relationship.

If he does not say he wants a relationship and you assume from his actions that you are in a relationship because of his actions then don’t be surprised when he reminds that he promised you nothing when you clamour for commitment. I interact with enough males – friends, colleagues – to know this.

I wonder though why some guys wouldn’t say what they feel. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or maybe the fear of commitment. Whatever it is, it reeks of a lack of seriousness and immaturity when a man wouldn’t admit his feelings and expectations expecting a girl to just know.

Some may argue that a guy could say what he thinks a girl wants to hear even if it’s a lie but then you would at least know he said he wanted a relationship and it wasn’t you assuming.

I am not a man and may not understand certain things, so…

Anyway Bez is still singing in the remix where he featured Yemi Alade and as I enjoy this song I will remind myself that if a man wouldn’t be straightforward about his feelings and expectations then he can’t be trusted or taken seriously.

Gracias!

Note To Self - Give Yourself A Chance

The picture above is powerful and captures the reality for some of us. We stay fixated on what we see and forget that it's the invisible roots that help us stand firmly and withstand life's storms.

So I had a conversation with a dear friend today and he noted on how clever and smart I am. I chuckled and retorted thus ‘everyone keeps telling me I am smart and this is not to put myself down, but I expect results of my supposed smartness’

He responded that even if I believed it or not I am smart and that sometimes results take time – results take time.

This has been ringing in my head and I have had to say it to myself results take time.

I know I am smart but it’s easy to question that sometimes because of my expectations.

I remember all the times I have beaten myself up for not having achieved the goals I set for myself and while it is good sometimes, it usually leaves me feeling dissatisfied.

Dissatisfaction and discontent are powerful tools and catalysts for change and sometimes helps us question the rightness of the path we are on but sometimes we need to remind ourselves that results take time even when we are on the right path.

When a tree is planted it would not bear fruits until the time is right even if you feed it with the best fertilizer. The tree may grow tall in a week but fruits will only come ‘at the right time, in due season’.

After conception a mother has to wait nine (9) months for her baby to be born and if the baby is born before the term is completed it would be termed ‘premature’ and even when the baby is born it will need time to sit, crawl, stand, walk and run because results take time.

So what do you do while you await results?

You keep giving your best, keep at what you do, learn, get better and have faith.

Like God told the Israelites while they were on exile in Babylon, Jeremiah 29: 4 – 7, 10 – 11:

⁴ “So says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the captives whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon, ⁵ ‘Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. ⁶ Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there and do not decrease [in number]. ⁷ Seek peace and well-being for the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its peace (well-being) you will have peace.’ 

¹⁰ “For thus says the Lord, ‘When seventy years [of exile] have been completed for Babylon, I will visit (inspect) you and keep My good promise to you, to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope."

Success is not always in what we see, the mental battles you win and the courage to face life and not give up is also success.

As Mary Anne Radmacher said “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.”

So give yourself a chance, enjoy the journey, keep trying and remember that everything good will come because results take time.

Note To Myself - Just Do It

After fiddling with the keyboard of my computer for minutes, I finally decided to write this down not because I don’t have thoughts to share but because I just can’t seem to be able put my thoughts to words.

So here I am writing about the fact that I am fiddling with my keyboard……………………

I have to admit that as much I would love to write more often I am unable to because of so many activities and thoughts that compete for my time – work, work, work and more work.

I mean I would get this great idea and do a one liner/sentence with a decision to write a full article later but at those times I imagine the voice in my head sneering and saying ‘yimu, na today’? ‘How many untouched and incomplete articles do you have?’

And in all honesty I wonder why I can’t write as often as I want or ought to.

Maybe I am not as passionate about this as I thought, I mean passion should trump everything else. Or maybe it’s the discipline that I lack – I think that’s it…discipline.

Why else would I decide to do something and not do it?

Wait, there’s a word for it in the dictionary – it’s called ‘procrastination’. Yes that is it, procrastination that great thief of time has made me not write as often as I would love to.

But who is to blame seeing as procrastination is not a person. Who do I blame for not doing what I ought to do? Work? But I don’t work 24 hours in a day. So? It could be laziness or maybe the challenges of living in this great country Nigeria saps me of inspiration. Sigh! That’s a story for another day.

I could go on and on about why I don’t write as often as I should but that wouldn’t help – I mean who excuse epp?

So I will just try to find passion anyhow, discipline myself – say something like no dinner for me till I write when I should, as if I wouldn’t eat when hunger pangs start – and just write no matter what.

Even if it’s about my neighbour’s dogs that wouldn’t let me sleep sometimes or the undergraduates I sometimes conduct Internship tests for that spell ‘Governor’ as ‘Govonor’ and write ‘Nigeria’ as ‘Naija’ on their test scripts, or even about the fact that the price of goods seem to increase by 200% each time I go to the market that I don’t even bother writing down prices on my shopping list anymore or maybe about the ‘when you go marry’ question that I am greeted with often or even about the fact that I can’t seem to find the inspiration to write when I should.

 I will just write…at all at all naim bad pass as my Warri people would say.

Wow! I have succeeded in writing about not being able to write – there’s hope then.

So going forward I would no longer procrastinate expecting my future self to be more disciplined than my present self.

I will just do it, so expect even the unexpected from me, all na writing, abi no be so?

Xoxo.